Hi dear, please i want to share something with you and I need your advice on how to handle it. I have a friend since my childhood and up till now we are still friends. He is an intending priest in (name of Church withheld by me), we all attended ¤¤¤¤¤ Church until we grew up and went our separate ways then I left that Church and joined another Church. We don’t get to see every time but each time we do, we are carried away with the outburst of emotions, no sex, just kissing and romance. I don’t really like it even though I like him because it makes me feel guilty, then it makes me go weak spiritually ,secondly I don’t want to be an agent of destruction to the calling of God upon his life. I try as much as I can not to allow the emotions but it wont stop. Please what do I do.
Another thing is that his younger brother (we grew up together in the same neighbor hood and we are still there till this moment) wants us to be friend, most times he invites me to their house 2 come and spend some time with him but I often refuse even up till yesterday (as of the time of this report). Firstly, i know he will make passes at me and try to touch me or kiss me which I don’t want also I don’t want anything to make me destroy my self. Secondly, I already have this feeling for his elder brother and I don’t know how to tell the younger brother so that he will stop chasing me around and I don’t want to raise any dust between the two of them to avoid problems. What do I do? Please am really confused.
First of all, I want to say that indeed you’ve taken a bold step to talk to someone about it. That alone shows your eagerness to come out of what you feel is not right. For the fact that you’ve began to seek for a solution means you are set for freedom!
You are not alone in this kind of problem, I have received about 2 messages of this kind, involving intending Pastors in the same Church you mentioned, so don’t feel you are all alone in this! Paul said in the scriptures
“Let there be no sexual immorality, impurity, or greed among you. Such sins have no place among God’s people.” Ephesians 5:3
He actually said “among God’s people” and not among unbelievers!
Paul did not gave us a list of what qualifies as a sexual immorality or tell us what physical activities are approved for a couple to engage in before marriage. However, just because Paul did not specifically address the issue does not mean God approves of “pre-sexual” activity before marriage. By essence, foreplay is designed to get one ready for sex. Logically then, foreplay should be restricted to married couples. Anything that can be considered foreplay should be avoided until marriage.
If there is any doubt whether an activity is right for an unmarried couple, it has to be avoided (Romans 14:23). Any and all sexual and pre-sexual activity is for married couples only. As a believer, you really need to avoid sexual immorality! Touching and kissing are acts of sex, sexual intercourse isn’t the only form of sexual act, as long as those “emotional outburst” leads to touching and kissing, it indicates that at that moment, so many things has happened, not just in the physical but in the mind! I know the next question should be, how do I avoid it? It wouldn’t sound so nice but you really need to listen to me.
Paul wrote “Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body.” 1 Corinthians 6:18
Many people have always interpreted this place to mean that it isn’t a sin against God but a sin that concerns you! But no… Paul was saying it is a sin against your body, that is to say you are offending your body which is supposed to be God’s instrument of righteousness! It is a dishonor to your body and to the body of Christ where you belong! You see, Paul said “FLEE..”, other vices can be conquered by fight and struggles but sexual immorality can only be conquered by flight! The effect of fornication is also on the body!
So, you can avoid it by fleeing! Pardon me to say… You need to flee from him! You really like him and I understand that but you need to stop seeing him in private. That the both of you made advances to each other is not what mean you both are not right for yourselves but I still see danger! From what you said, you see yourself as a prospective agent of destruction as regards his calling and ministry but on the contrary, he may be the agent of destruction in your life! It doesn’t matter if he is a Pastor, a Bishop or an ArchBishop, you really need to cut of with him! Here are my reasons why you need to cut of from him, at least for now…
- He touches you and kisses you even when he as a Pastor should be the one advising you not to do it.
He is likely to be doing the same with another girl since he is comfortable doing it with you every time you meet with him.
He is not genuine! He has known you for a long time, he should have met with your parents even if your parents are over-protective, he should have taken you to his parents too. If he really desires to be part of your future, he should have at least discussed it with his brother who is also lusting after you not knowing his elder brother is already in place.
He is likely going to demand for sexual intercourse, or even without demand, you may give in to it!
Your relationship with him is pushing you away from focusing on God. Rather whenever you are with him, its all about sexual activities.
Distraction from God is extremely the most dangerous thing to happen to any man. As believers we believe God to be the captain of our ship. When you begin to lose the sight of your captain, you start trying to steer your own ship. Not only will this lead to going the wrong way, but it can lead you in the direction of trials, sin, missed opportunities, and missed blessings.
All right round, I don’t see his seriousness towards you in the first place. You like him but that is not enough! You are being moved by emotions and perhaps one day, he will get what he want and to your surprise move his way!
Check out your statement “I try as much as I can to stop the emotion…” From my studies about women and their make-up, I came to find out that ladies are moved by what they hear and meditate on and not what they see. This means the man in question doesn’t try to also stop himself, he is actually the one using your affection for him to get to him! He really has to be an example of godly dating and relationship but he is not!
A lady once complained how her mentor who happened to also be an ordained married Pastor in your friend’s Church lured her to bed and took away her virginity! I want to make it clear to you that even if he is a Bishop, it doesn’t make you the agent of destruction, he may be the one bent on destroying you! Keep your like for him aside and cut of every relationship with him for now!
If you really love yourself and God, you need to lay aside every weight! I took time before I could answer you! Remember, even people meant to be together make mistakes sometimes and even commit sexual sin but on your case but on your own case I don’t see the guys seriousness with you, he comes around you because he wants to satisfy his orgy. Perhaps he is just there because of your beauty and because of the attention and free hand you give to him. You just have to flee! By cutting every ties with him (even if you must see him, let it be in public or in company of some else). You also need to find yourself good friends, doing so will lessen the thoughts of missing him!
Concerning his brother, it is obvious to you that he is lusting after you! You simply need to avoid him too! Your future is not tied in their hands. That doesn’t mean that you begin to quarrel with them but you need to take your stand and give them the red light! Your relationship with God should be your ultimate desire now, it should be much more important now! Find yourself friends that will always teach you God’s word and also find people that you will teach God’s word too! Don’t pay attention to relationships that tend to go the ungodly way, the Bible says in 1 Corinthians 7:35
“I am saying this for your benefit, not to place restrictions on you. I want you to do whatever will help you serve the Lord best, with as few distractions as possible.”
So, I am not trying to prevent you also from being in a relationship! But you need to do things that will help you serve God better, make up your mind and flee from them entirely! I will summarize with this verse of the scripture
Ephesians 5:15-16 “So, then, be careful how you live. Do not be unwise but wise,making the best use of your time because the times are evil.”
I really hope this helped you? It is my desire to help people find answers to their questions through God’s word!
God bless you!
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