​FAILED EXPECTATIONS


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He talks a lot about men respecting the women, he talks a lot about husbands doing the chores along with their wives, he looks so calm and intelligent and he is a member of activists who fights against rape and girl child abuse. He becomes the dream of every woman because they feel this is just their ideal man. He would cook and upload his kitchen skills on the social media promising any woman that comes into his life that he is just a special breed among men. Unknown to him, women of every class wants him because of who he says he is and he becomes their prayer point, the very word on their lips every midnight and the very thing they cry about when Pastor asks them to lift their voice and cry unto God about something. Yes, everyone wants a better partner and in their own very eyes they are seeing a different man, a man who wouldn’t abuse them like their ex.

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He didn’t start saying these things because it was who he was; he started saying them because he felt this is who all men should be, he received applause from all quarters and he enjoyed the momentary fame that breezed in with it. He got encouraged and he continued with it till he was known for it. Unknown to people, he is like the legendary ‘holiness’ preacher who is struggling with so many weakness in the secret but shouting ‘do not smoke’ on top of his voices, not because he doesn’t smoke but because he knows it is not good to smoke even though he struggles with it.

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Another scenario is the case of a young woman who shouts ‘anti-feminism’ on top of her voice, she is a known voice when it comes to the issues of women being very submissive and ‘near slaves’ to their husbands or even boyfriends, she advocates that the woman is less important and therefore needs the man to survive. She talks about all women learning to take mastery of the kitchen and make sure to learn enough skills to satisfy their man not just in the dining room but also in the bedroom. She receives accolades from men; she is overwhelmed by the thousands of likes she got on the social media and she decides to walk that path since it’s a sure way to fame. Men start running after her and her messenger is filled with ‘hi’ and ‘babe can I have your number?’. 

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On many cases, we find it easier to say certain things both meaningful and less meaningful things. We even assume we are who we ask others to become, sometimes it is because we do not really know who we are and we have not found the opportunity to test our strength and we assume we can do exactly what we feel is right. When people are able to break down our defenses and have their way into our hearts full of expectations to see what they have been assuming about us, they come and their expectations are not met. On one side, they came just because they wanted the perfect person and on the other side we know what is right but we have not built enough capacity to be able to do them even when it is not convenient.

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The man who talks a lot against beating a woman now ends up beating his wife and his reason is “she pushed me to the wall”, the woman who talks about being extremely submissive and faithful to the man ends up being unfaithful and lazy and her reason is “he isn’t helping, I can’t be doing everything”, the woman who comes cooking for the man every weekend ends up being very stubborn after the wedding… They are all failed expectations and in this life we must be ready to face a lot of them. Because of people’s experiences, they don’t believe people actually do what they say and they decide not to listen as it is the case of ‘kettle calling pot black’. While kettle is black, it is not wrong about the pot being black but pot refuses to listen because he feels kettle has no moral ground to advise him on what to do. When ‘cup’ decides to play the advisory role, they both laugh at him because they feel that cup has never been to the fire before, if he ever gets near the fire he would realize that it is easier said than done.

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In a similar scenario, Jesus said concerning the Pharisees “do what they ask you to do but do not imitate what they do because their actions are different from their words”, Jesus didn’t argue if they had moral right to advice people to do the right thing, he rather made it clear that expecting much from people would be met with disappointments. The reason why many relationships fail is because we had so many expectations and those expectations were not met. We tend to look at certain people as perfect breeds, we expect no flaws from them and when we come around them we see flaws and we give up on them. We shouldn’t always expect the best from people because they struggle the same thing we are struggling with. We are in a world that has a failed system, an imperfect world full of beings who are struggling to do what is right, they know it is right not to steal but they struggle not to steal. When we find ourselves in a relationship with someone, we should always be ready to face certain things we don’t appreciate and we help that person deal with it if he or she truly needs help or we walk away if that person has refused to work on himself and we can’t condone it.

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Many people teach business because they can just teach it and those who can do business learn from him, apply it and become successful. Many others teach football, not because they can play but because they can teach, those who can play learn from him and start playing well. I have always found cases where I had to learn from what I have taught, I have always found cases where I had to treat people the way I had taught others to do, not because it is convenient for me but because I know it is the right thing to do. People excuse themselves from doing the right thing because they feel the teacher has no experience and therefore has no right to teach them, they don’t argue this because they don’t know the teacher is teaching right, they argue it because they just want to conveniently excuse themselves from doing the right thing. 

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I have come across several people who started judging every Pastor because of the experience they had with just one pastor. They tend to forget that Pastors are men; many of them are also struggling to do the right thing. Until we understand the complexity of being a human, we must realize that we shouldn’t expect perfection from the flesh. When I meet a Pastor, I decide to look beyond their humanness into their office because if I want to look at the natural man I may make mistakes. Some pastors get angry easily, some have weaknesses when it comes to the opposite sex, some have issues with being very accountable and all of that, not because they aren’t teaching the right thing but because they aren’t practicing what they teach. I don’t think people should preach what they do, I think they should do what they preach, and there is a great difference in it. I understand why people are too quick to judge public figures because much is expected from them. As long as we keep having great expectations for certain people, we keep experiencing failed expectations. 

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Unfortunately, people who expect the best from others are not the best, people who stone armed robbers are also robbers and people who spy people to catch them in immorality are very immoral. The problem is not that there are no good people; the problem is that we are looking for good people when we have refused to be that good person! When I receive revelations from God’s word, I receive them to do and to teach, when I teach them I also learn to do them. Let me tell two short experiences I had in a shopping mall.

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I had visited the shopping mall to get groceries and some home gadgets with my friend; we made purchases worth about thirty thousand naira after standing on the long queue. When we had left the supermarket and decided to cool off in a corner of the mall with cold juice, I decided to go through the payment receipt the cashier had generated. I discovered a biscuit wasn’t calculated, it was worth almost nothing and it would even look foolish to go back to the mall and report that we didn’t pay for a biscuit. I had decided to overlook it after all it was just a hundred naira out of thousands of naira that we spent in the mall. They must have made provisions for it, I thought but then I started thinking again. I knew I had always preached that we should do the right thing even when it’s not convenient so that we can showcase God and bring the opportunity of people glorifying Him. I walked back into the mall, stood on the queue and paid for the biscuit and I told the cashier “you actually didn’t add this to our purchase, I had come to make sure I pay for it”, she was very surprised, her surprise was written all over her face and I knew she was wondering “really, we still have such persons?”, I would have answered her “yes!” if he had asked me. With that, I corrected an impression.

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Another day, I was in the same mall, I had gone to a smartphone retail center to make a purchase. I decided to pay for a smartphone using mobile transfer and I did. A debit alert came to my phone, they assumed it would still credit them later and packaged the device for me. I had left the mall when I got a reverse alert; the money was credited back to my account. To be very sincere I was in dire need of money at that time, I wanted to just keep walking, and I would pay later or just ignore them. I was struggling with myself but after sometime I made up my mind to do what I preach. I went back to the mall and showed them the alert. I did a successful transfer and they were all gazing at me in surprise as I smiled and walked away. I felt peaceful and happier. Those I narrated this to felt I wasn’t wise enough but I was happy I did the right thing. I didn’t do it because it was convenient; I did it because it was the right thing to do even when it wasn’t satisfying to me and it did correct wrong impressions.

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There are so many other stories, stories of how I could have engaged myself in sexual relationship with the wrong persons and how I later declined it not because I never wanted but because at the long run I knew it was wrong to do so and I had to displease my flesh and do what was right. This is not to say there has not being times I failed people’s expectations, I have done that severally and I wouldn’t say I would always meet up with people’s expectations. I am only saying we can do better when we start doing what we preach other than preaching what we do and we also shouldn’t always expect people to live perfect lives just because they preach it.

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In summary, we should make ourselves better other than looking for better people, we shouldn’t live to meet up with people’s expectation but we should rather focus on doing the right thing. Doing the right thing with consistency is only possible through conscious practice. We don’t only do them when it is convenient; we do them because we know it is right to do right. No matter the office one occupies, we must understand they are still in this world and we shouldn’t be overwhelmed when they didn’t do what we felt they should have done with ease. A bishop can still be found doing the wrong thing, how do we approach it? We approach by understanding that the bishop is also a man and may not really live to our expectations. On the other hand, a man who is adored by the public must learn to live right because he is a better example and it would be his only opportunity to correct the impression which says “all of them are just the same”. 

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Don’t measure people by the good things you see on the social media they do but also don’t judge people by the failed expectations you got from people who you really assumed were physically perfect, you are wrong by assuming they are perfect people because you aren’t… Be a better person other than looking for better people.

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God bless you.
-George O.N-

House of Vasileia

http://www.georgesdiary.com.ng

#GracefulGorge

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