Sometimes I see people ask questions like “what does a man need in a woman” or vice versa and I marvel at the responses. The response showcases a world full of ignorant people who are not ready to learn, they would even abuse you when you have a different opinion from them.


Well, what do a man or woman really need in a partner? It is not beauty, it is not good sex, it is not prayers, it is not any of those things we are listing out… It is LOVE. 


Good sex is possible without love, prostitutes does that very well. Wicked people can also show care just to win the heart of a potential prey, there can be understanding and people can look beautiful without love being at play. However, there can never be love sans care, understanding and all of those other great qualities. 


The big question now is “what is love?” Love is not a feeling but there is a feeling-part of love. Love is ultimately decision-based, you decide to stop seeing fault and start seeing goodness, you decide to help one grow and become better. Love can sponsor right feelings but feelings cannot power love. Love based on feelings are inferior and do not stand the test of time. This is why we must really not say what we don’t mean. When we say “I love you”, it means “I have decided to have a benevolent and unselfish concern towards you regardless of who you are”.


Lust is just a word to define an abused attraction in the sense that attraction is magnified above love. Now, when we decide to define love with what the Greeks call ‘eros’, we will still find out that ‘Eros’ is not lust, lust is when ‘eros’ is abused. Lust has to do with self, lust isn’t truly caring or understanding, when it care, it’s just a game of winning the heart and using it for a personal purpose. When you decide to love someone, you’ll suddenly see the person becoming attractive to you and your feelings towards him or her can become much positive.


Now you see, people often say what they want in a woman or man and not what they need. This is because a selfish man isn’t interested in what he needs, he rather keeps his focus on what he wants because it’s simply all about his own satisfaction. 


Let me ask you again… What do you need in a spouse? 


Just before you answer, let me remind you that you shouldn’t be focused on what you want in a spouse, rather always ask yourself what you should give your partner. And you probably will not want what you need until you know your needs. If partners love based on decision, they will build a healthier relationship that will not shake when the going gets tough because the foundation of their love is not on money, looks and all of that. While those things can spice up a relationship and make it fun, they are not in themselves what defines love. Don’t you know that if couples take their altar vows, love truly begins from there because they are deciding that in good health or bad health, they have come to remain one forever. 


God bless you.



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