It would seem absurd to say that breakup is beautiful and at its most critical state; a gift when you still loved him or her but watched them go away or when you just couldn’t help it but walk away. Although the instant feeling we get from it is awful, when we think of it in another way, we would be glad to discern that many times, a breakup isn’t a terrible thing, it isn’t even disgusting! It would be the most beautiful thing that has ever happened to us.
It is okay to cry over breakups, it is okay to mourn what you seem to have lost, the good days you have always banked on and the people you have scared away from your life just because you believed that space is already taken. But can I ask you a quick question? What exactly do you want? What meaning are you reading into their departure? It doesn’t matter the reason why they left, it doesn’t matter if they made you call it off but your thanksgiving should be on the fact that you are done with someone who truly wants to live without you. When people suddenly realize that you don’t fit into their future and decide to walk away from you, it is not bad to cry but never desire them again and never even pray to have them back. Walking away from you is probably the most beautiful favour they have done to you.
Would you have fancied that he or she stayed more years and still eventually break up with you when they had gotten deeper into you? Would you have preferred they left you right after the altar vows? Would you have preferred they left you with a baby or two? I know someone whose reply would be “yes!” but that is because she is still lost in the euphoria of the past, she still feels there are people she can’t live without. In a matter of days, weeks, months or perhaps, years, she will realize we can really do without people who don’t truly want us.
We truly don’t have so much time on earth, why spend it mourning something that isn’t meant to be with us? Why spend it with someone who has a lot of options aside us? Why spend it with someone who believes there isn’t any future for us? They aren’t bad people anyway for wanting to live without us but we deserve better, they don’t deserve those tears and mourning. What they deserve is your acceptance of their departure! Since you were just an option in their lives, you truly need someone who doesn’t see you as an option, someone who has seen something in you that they can’t let go. It is not about something who can’t do without you, it is about someone who has decided not to live without you. When someone wants to walk away from your life, they don’t deserve your tears. What they deserve is that you show them the way out through the exit door.
Why want to stick to a relationship that is on its last leg just because you are afraid of walking alone for some time? There has to be a serious connection, there has to be a strong definition of purpose and there has to be a sense of security. When he or she always makes you question your place in that relationship, they don’t deserve you. See that break up as a blessing, see it as empowerment to move ahead with your life and build a more meaningful relationship that is relevant to your future and your dreams! No matter how bad you had felt, you need to change the way you look at break-up, it is usually a huge blessing!
Sometimes, that breakup is salvation from abusive and toxic relationships that you wouldn’t let go! It would be emotional abuse or physical abuse. This relationship may never have been what you desired, you may have been the one apologizing for all issues, you may have been the one trying to keep the relationship going simply because of how far both of you have gone! You may have been enduring months or years of never being understood, never been cared for or respected but you can’t let go because you believe that somehow it would work out. You believe you may manage all along and he or she has helped you by breaking it off!
There are other times it may be that your partner depends on you for all of his or her emotional fulfilment! You are blamed for every time they don’t feel good, you are blamed for every time they felt sick, you are blamed for not picking calls, visiting and being there all the time! Now that he or she is walking away, why not stand out for them to pass? Don’t you know this a deliverance? You need your own space, you need your own life too. You aren’t Jesus and you don’t need to lose your own life and dreams just to please someone who is all out for himself and not for you!
Anyone who wants to leave you today can still leave you at any point, don’t try stopping them. They can leave early and they can leave late! The longer their departure takes, the severe the hurt becomes. The more you try to hold them from leaving, the more you breed a bigger problem for yourself because you will keep getting much more emotionally attached to them. So, when they leave, they have liberated you from problems and regardless of the reason why they left, see it as good news for yourself, see it as deliverance!
Breakup isn’t as bad as you think, it is not bad at all! It is beautiful and very relieving! You may be willing to stay in an unhealthy relationship just because you have low self-esteem and you think you aren’t good enough for a beautiful and better relationship but breakup delivers you from that mentality! It gives you another opportunity to learn and even avoid certain mistakes you had made. Breakup is another opportunity to get things right, it doesn’t mean that things will automatically become right just after breakups but now you have an opportunity to correct things you couldn’t correct earlier and you also have an opportunity to look at yourself and make adjustments! Breakup is an opportunity to build again right from the foundation.
It is true that a big vacuum has been created, it is true that the once closed door of your heart has been left open once again but it is also true that you have a better opportunity to give that space to the right person. This is the beauty of breakup.