Now, before you read this, don’t think I am an advocate of “divorce”. I believe in fighting to save our marriages, I believe that divorce shouldn’t be the first thing that comes to our mind when we have issues in our marriages.

However, there is an extent to which I can encourage people to stay in some kinds of marriages. Sometimes, there would be need to separation (don’t necessarily divorce).

All over the news, we keep reading of women who murdered their husbands or vice-versa. Sometimes, the stories behind these murders are heart-wrenching! I read in the news just recently about a woman who was sentenced to death by hanging because she killed her husband. She has a new baby who still needs to be nursed but this is how she brought a child into the world, took away the father and herself indirectly.

Sometimes, people kill their spouse in self-defence, sometimes it is out of underlying anger that has been building up for a while. It is becoming worrisome at the rate which people are abused in marriages; some commit crime as a result and others are killed in the process of abuse.

Many people have been killed in marriage because they didn’t want to offend anyone. They saw themselves in a union where their peace and well being has been robbed off them but they just couldn’t do anything because they have “Church members” and religious allies who will always point fingers at them and say “God hates divorce… Now they divorced, God must probably hate them.”

Let me ask you one thing, if all you remember when someone wants to walk away from an abusive relationship is “God hates divorce” are you now saying that God loves his sons and daughters living in abuse?

Walking away may not necessarily have to be divorce but instead of putting your neck on the butcher’s table, it is better to walk away even if it means divorce. Am I encouraging divorce? No, I am discouraging abuse in marriage. Many have been abused to death simply because “God hates divorce”. Why do we continue to emotionally blackmail people to stay in a marriage where their lives are under threat?

No one was created by God and given a destiny where marriage has to be the beginning of their journey into the land of the dead. Many times all we have to say to people who are being abused in marriage is ” just pray, pray harder.”

For the records, I believe so much in prayers, I believe in speaking the right words and being positive but as you pray for your spouse who hits you every now and then, pray from afar! There is an Igbo adage that says “if you must dine with the devil, use a very long spoon so you can eat from afar.”

Unfaithfulness in marriage is not just when your partner is having an extra-marital affair. When your partner is abusing you, they are being unfaithful to the promise you both made to each other, “to love and to cherish”.

Don’t stay there and be waiting for people to understand you before you can walk away from that death trap of marriage. You may walk into your grave if you don’t walk away now!

Please you owe no one an explanation. Walking away doesn’t mean unforgiveness and hate, it means you are aware that you have a future that can not be jeopardized by one person in the name of marriage.

Many have died, many will still die…
Domestic violence and homicide are real!


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