The other day, I asked if it was right to have unrestrained access to your partner’s phones, and the majority of people responded in the affirmative.

From the time I started dating my wife to this day that we are married, I have never gone through my wife’s conversations with others and if I must use her phone for something, I must ask for her permission and ask her to unlock it herself even though she forced me to register my fingerprints on her device.

Technology has made it so much easier to spy on your spouse and monitor his or her activities to be sure that they are keeping to their side of the bargain.

These days, some spouses even use desktop features to link their spouse’s WhatsApp and Messaging apps to their desktop so that they can be spying on their messages. There is no other reason people do this than trust issues.

So many people are having trust issues whether or not their spouse is giving them reasons to believe that he or she is cheating. They can go any length to have access to their spouse’s messages, contacts, browser history, and so on. But, is this right? No!

The more you peek into your partner’s phone, the more curious you become and the more you feed your lack of trust. Many people peek into their spouse’s phones hoping to satisfy their curiosity but it can only create more problems.

People who always see the need to go through their partner’s phones are people who feel that their partner isn’t communicating with them or getting intimate with them, they want to know why their partner isn’t giving them the needed attention.

They want to know what is going on in the life of their partner and because they don’t want to go through the stress of having that conversation, they decide to go the easy route which is, finding answers for themselves.

But, nothing justifies accessing your partner’s phone without their permission. Experiences have always taught us that we will always see what we are looking for in people when our mindset about those people is already made up. If your mind is made up that your spouse is cheating and you decide to spy on their phones, you will see something that seems to give credence to your suspicion.

Snooping on your spouse is a violation of privacy and just because you are married to someone doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t respect their privacy. Disrespecting people’s privacy is a betrayal of trust and snooping on people has never produced any good results.

It is also possible to find something that you don’t understand and begin to misunderstand it and even if you ended up finding what you were looking for, it is not going to solve the problem but make it worse. Healthy relationships make room for friendship outside the walls of the relationship and snooping into people’s conversations including that between your spouse and his friends, colleagues, and coworkers is all time wrong.

Is it reasonable at all to have some form of privacy in a relationship? Of course yes! This doesn’t mean you should keep your partner in the dark but there are conversations you have with people that you aren’t supposed to table to your wife. People might have shared certain secrets with your partner via chats, snooping on him or her may make you see things you weren’t meant to see.

The idea that you are one with your spouse and therefore you should know everything they know or have unrestricted access to their private messages and other stuff is wrong and unhealthy. Your spouse should maintain some level of independence while carrying you along on things that you need to know especially when it concerns your marriage.

If you are having concerns about your relationship with your partner, it is best to have a conversation with them to address those issues rather than steal into their devices. Snooping can be counter-productive but sitting down with your spouse to discuss your worries can solve that issue head-on.

If you suspect that your life is at risk or that your spouse is trying to hurt you, checking your phone may still not be the best way to go. If you no longer feel safe in any marriage or relationship, don’t take a walk, leave!


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