Sometimes, missing your ex is not an indication that you aren’t in a perfect relationship. It also doesn’t mean something is wrong with you. Your relationship with your ex was special and even though you have moved on, the love relationship has its marks on your soul. This is especially true for relationships where you truly loved your ex-partner.
#1 IT IS NOT TERRIBLE.
Relationships end for several reasons and some of those reasons are not because you realized that what you felt wasn’t love. It could be because of biological incompatibilities, family pressure, and so on. So, it’s completely not out of reach for you to feel a thing or two about your ex even as you have moved on.
This does not in any way mean that you love your partner less, it doesn’t mean you are cheating on them as you also can’t cheat your emotions. Whatever is happening to you is a flashback of the great memories you had with your ex. They are your memories and unfortunately, it may take time to go away or they may never go away.
If the memories you relish of your past relationship don’t affect your present relationship or make you compare your partner unhealthily, then there isn’t anything wrong with it. Remember, these are memories you created with someone and it’s not expected that everything would wipe away.
#2 YOU CREATED MEMORIES
In your past relationship, all the good and bad moments didn’t just come and go, some aspects of it came and stayed. They are part of who you are today, they are parts of what formed your current perspective of life. Both of you shared moments, went to movies, went on several romantic dates, and bonded in a way you’d never done before.
Both of you shared secrets, had arguments, and worked on projects together. You may still trace some of your achievements to their inputs.
Even if the breakup was a result of irreconcilable differences, it doesn’t mean that the relationship was bad all through. Some events and stuff are worth remembering. This might be what you miss.
#3 MAYBE, IT’S YOU THAT YOU’RE MISSING
Relationships often bring a part of us into existence, a part of us that we never knew existed. So, when you are with someone else, you may be missing who you were when you were with your ex. Maybe, they made you read more, they made you pray more and they made you do certain things that you normally wouldn’t have done.
It’s possible that with your ex, you were a free spirit but in your present relationship, you are a bit reserved. It’s also possible that in your previous relationship, responsibility was shared but now you shoulder all the responsibilities. You may be missing who you were with your ex.
#4 MAYBE, SOMETHING IS MISSING
It’s also possible to be missing your ex simply because there were things in your previous relationship that are no longer obtainable in your present relationship. While we discourage comparisons, you are human and at some point in your life, there must be a little comparison. Maybe, you couldn’t help it. So, people often miss their ex in circumstances that remind them of them.
Perhaps, there are things your ex understood and respect about you that your present partner does not understand. In situations where there are misunderstandings, you may miss your ex.
#5 THE PROBLEM
It’s okay to often have a refresh of these memories on your mind but the problem begins when you start nursing it to grow when you start stalking your ex and trying to trigger communications. Chances are that your ex doesn’t feel the same way about you anymore but even if they do, it makes no sense to hurt someone else. You decided to move on and moving on simply means never going back except you are still free and your ex is free.
You shouldn’t make any decisions based on these memories or based on who you were with your ex. If something isn’t right in your relationship, communication is how to solve it. However, you must be careful in your communications not to make your relationship with your ex the subject of your conversation.
#6 DEAL WITH IT
When these memories are becoming an everyday experience and are leading to obsession, you must take very decisive measures so that you don’t hurt yourself, your partner, your kids, and even your ex. You must deal with it.
– REMOVE ALL TRIGGERS
There is a possibility that there are still lots of things around you that trigger the obsession. It could be the gifts they gave you, the clothes both of you shared, or the pictures you took with them that are on social media. You need to delete all of them. It doesn’t make sense to keep them since they are memories that you can’t deal with.
– DON’T AMPLIFY THE GOOD TIMES
As much as you had some good times with your ex, don’t forget that there was a reason why the relationship didn’t work. Don’t amplify the good times to a point of building fantasies that don’t even exist. Take out time to reflect on why that relationship didn’t work, remind yourself that it’s better off to be without them and remind yourself that your partner or spouse is better. The obvious reasons why that relationship didn’t work are there and if you think of going back to them, also think of how incompatible both of you were.
– GET RID OF THE LEADS
It’s also possible that the open communication lines keep drawing you to them and you may be having certain conversations that aren’t necessary. If you are getting obsessed, get rid of their contacts. You don’t hate them and we aren’t encouraging you to do so but you are protecting your heart and perhaps it might be a sacrifice that is worth it to make.
As much as you can try, you won’t just forget about them. They are a part of your life, they are a part of your story and they may remain there forever. That is why I encourage young people not to engage in a certain level of relationships when they are not ready for commitments because, at the end of the day, you’d be carrying a lot of baggage with you in the future.
Stop dragging the baggage of your past relationship with you. It’s telling on everything you do. There is a whole lot ahead of you, the things ahead are better than the things behind you. It’s worth it to move on.