Is It Love?


I was in a meeting when a woman was asked “your husband seldom stays at home due to the nature of his job. How do you cope?” And she replied, “well, it makes no difference to me as long as he drops good money on the table”. Well, she just disclosed why she got married, it wasn’t for love but for money and as long as she is concerned, her marriage is working because he drops money on the table. How about if he stops dropping money on the table? How about when circumstances change, will she still stick to him?

Sometimes we wrongly think that being crazy about someone equals love, we think that because someone misses us means we are loved but all those aren’t enough and does not necessarily indicate love. There are people who might miss you so much but these people are very unwilling to make serious sacrifices for you, they adore you and they are loyal to you but they will never make any sacrificial effort towards you because you aren’t the reason why they are with you, they are with your for themselves! They only serve your interest at their own convenience but they only want to be with you just because of themselves.

I figured out what the problem is.

If you claim to love someone without the zeal to make sacrifices and go out of your way for them, it may be something about them that you like and not necessarily that you love them. If what you like about them is taken away, you surely may not want them again. It is true that we always ask people “why do you love me?” But if there is “why” to that love, then, it is not love! We can be attracted to people for a reason, we can be endeared to people for a reason but a love that has reasons attached will bail out when those reasons fade away!

It’s possible to want to have someone without even loving them, there are various reasons you may want to have someone; it may be about security, it may be the care and attention you get from them, it may be their intelligence and creativity. You want it for yourself, it’s all about you and has nothing to do with them. If the security wasn’t there, you won’t want to be with them! If the care isn’t there, you wouldn’t want to be with them.

You can be crazy about someone but the craze is about what they have and how it will go a long way to meet your needs, it has nothing to do with them, you miss them simply because of what they put on the table. It is true that some things can attract us to people but it isn’t fair to make decisions based on mere attraction. If they lose that stuff, will they remain?

For me, love is a decision, a decision to stand with someone despite the odds and the surprises that will surface. It’s okay if you want to be with people because they have what you want but it is wrong when you label it love, it reduces the meaning of love to mere selfishness! Love goes out of the way of self and puts another person first. Love doesn’t think of “what will I gain from him?” It thinks of “what will he gain from me? How do I make him better?” Love is more of others than it is more of ourselves.

Maybe, we need to review our relationships again to know if it’s love or just about ourselves.

Blessings.

“CRAZY LOVERS” ARE ANGELS


You see, many times I’ve come across people who complain of being madly in love with someone, do some crazy sacrifices but never get same love or even half of it in return. Truth is, most people whom we are remarkably in love with aren’t meritorious of this crazy love, they may be deserving of our love but never deserving of the surplus. How do you explain using your ultimate and best savings to show love to someone who will accept all of it but show little or no gratitude? How do we explain being committed to someone who feels very entitled but never accord us the same level of privilege in their lives?

Seldom, we look at people who make crazy sacrifices for love as people who aren’t wise, we see them as people under a spell but we can only understand this when we suddenly find ourselves in their shoes. I wish it doesn’t happen but it does and there isn’t any clear-cut solution to it. There is someone you may swiftly connect with and it seems something in you went off the hook, you may have promised yourself never to be all out for someone but you suddenly realised that this person holds the switch that activates all of your mellowness and magnanimity. You might be so aware that they aren’t into you but you don’t care as it is a risk you’re willing to take; to give everything for love, not knowing if you’ll be accepted.

On the other hand, the person you’re showing so much love and commitment may also be busy trying to fascinate another person. His heart may be beating so hard for someone else who doesn’t care. They may be leveraging on your generosity to enhance their game in winning the heart of someone else, you may just be someone they fall back on anytime they need support and they may even be taunting you in their hearts, laughing at your “careless generosity.”

There are times you swear to yourself never to call him or her again if they don’t reciprocate your kindness but you end up still falling deeper in love with them. You may be the one atoning for every mistake including theirs, you may be the one doing everything possible to ensure it works out. Sometimes, it’s because you met that person in whom all your guards are down. I don’t know why it happens, it may take deliberate mastery of emotional intelligence to fight it off but habitually, you’ll find yourself in this “crazy love” and appear helpless to yourself.

Have you seen yourself in that situation where you’re willing to accept just a little? Have you seen yourself in that situation where you don’t even require them to love you so much, where you are satisfied with their pretence? It is good to let go when you’re taken lightly; when you aren’t appreciated and when you’re treated with total disregard but how easy is it? It is difficult when this is one person that stimulates the magic in you. You aren’t being stupid, you aren’t under any spell, you simply happen to meet that one person whose presence destroys your guard!

It’s always a miracle to meet someone as crazy as you in love, it’s beautiful to marry someone who is deeply connected to you the same way you are deeply connected to them. But I’ve also realized that we don’t have to be crazily in love with people before we can appreciate and try connecting to them in a deeper way which they deserve.

I’ve seen myself in those situations, I’ve seen myself ready to give up everything for someone whose presence activates all the magical feelings! I’ve seen myself crying every night for being in love with someone who feels adversely about me. I’ve seen myself willing to be with someone who can just accept me but needn’t love me so much.

We often ask why A loves B but B loves C. But I think we are the problem. Our level of love must not be the same but if we are wise enough, as hard as it is, we would be willing to give it all up for that special person who loves us so much, that one person whom we drive crazy! They are the ones who need our love more, they love us thinking they have no option but we should love them; giving up every other distractive option that we have. Instead of trying to no avail to win the heart of someone who doesn’t feel the same way about us, why not channel that affection to that person who has shown us a level of love that we don’t even deserve?

It is very hard to win the heart of someone who doesn’t find you attractive but it is easy to love someone whom you drive crazy. Maybe we should stop looking for love at the wrong places and learn to love people with whom it is easier. We shouldn’t treat people badly simply because we know they are so into us and will find it difficult walking away. We shouldn’t make it hard for people who are crazily in love with us. If we reciprocate their love for whatever reason, then we should help them by walking away and saving them from wasting their time.

I have been there before, I have loved so crazily, I have made sacrifices and still got a doleful experience at the end. If I get the opportunity to be loved so “crazily” by someone, looking elsewhere and ignoring the “God sent” will be the most stupid thing to do. Sometimes Angels and “destiny helpers” don’t appear so attractive at first, they don’t even fall into our spec at first sight but when we accept them, we discover beauty in them, in a way we’ve never done before.

MY SEX STORY


In 2009, we met at a firm that handles stationery. We worked as a team, serving in the same department, sitting on the same table and doing almost everything together.

Before we became close, we fought. We fought for a chair, she wanted to use the comfiest chair and I wanted the same thing too. We fought with words, we dragged the chair but I overpowered her. She felt terrible and ashamed and I was touched by the expressions on her face. I gave her the chair, she refused to accept it. We never talked to each other even at the close of office. Being very emotional, I wasn’t myself…. Not because she meant anything to me but because the expression on her face showed she was very sad and I was that kind of person who likes to put myself in the shoes of others. I couldn’t sleep at night, I didn’t have her phone number as I would have called to say that I was very sorry.

The next day, I came very early to the office; swept everywhere, took the best chair to her corner and prepared her part of the table. It was around 7:55 am that she walked in, she didn’t greet me but I spelt out her name in a manner I had never done before

“Mercy” I called out, she stood for some seconds and turned back to look at me. She didn’t say anything; she just went on looking into my eyes with ambivalence. It was easy to notice she was just forcing herself to be hard on me, inside of her she was smiling. I continued “I am sorry about yesterday. I never really meant to make you feel bad. I just didn’t want to be the coward. Other colleagues were watching us.”

“Well,” she smiled “don’t mind me… It did not get at me that much. I was only faking it” She said coming closer and taking hold of my right hand. I felt something and I liked the feeling.

That was the beginning of our friendship. We became very close that we started talking about private things. She told me lots of stories about her past relationships; she told me how her heart was broken and how she was able to find healing. Before I knew it, I was dialling her at nights and early in the morning just before we would meet at the office. I was becoming obsessed with her and I started sending innocent but very lovey-dovey messages.

Our closeness was no longer a code, the boss became aware, the entire staff including her crush became aware too and I started having issues with practically everyone. One fine Sunday evening, the director called me on the phone. He told me how much interest he had in Mercy, he said he tried to get her sleep with him but he surmised I am the reason she is rejecting him. He asked me to stop talking to her until he is done with her but I never considered that, I even warned him over the phone not minding my job would be terminated. As days passed by he tried so many tactics to insulate her from me but it never worked and most times I would quarrel with him in the public. People wondered why I suddenly loosed respect for a fifty-something-year-old man especially with the fact that I was always quiet, but they never knew what has been going because we all kept it hush-hush.

My male colleagues also started having problems with me! They said I monopolized Mercy and made her unavailable to them. Truth was that I did nothing to Mercy, I never asked her to stop talking to people and we never even talked about it. I remember she told me a story about how one of the staff set her up with the director’s driver and wanted to sexually abuse her but she escaped.

Mercy was a very pious Roman Catholic while I was a faithful Anglican then. She belonged to so many societies in her church and she even made me visit the Roman Catholic Church for the first time in my life. I have always known the RC from books and videos but this time, I saw myself in their midst. By being engaged to a local assembly, one would expect a high level of morality from her. At that time, I was still naive and would scream if I was told a serious Church member did something immoral.

One exceptional Saturday afternoon, I was sealing some cases when she called for my attention

“George, can we discuss something very serious?”

“Of course” I smiled still concentrating on my work

“Hope you don’t get angry with what I am about to say,” she said, I had to turn and look into her face so that I can be sure if she meant what she said but she did

“Only God knows what you want to say but I don’t see reasons why I should be angry,” I told her

“Have you ever dated before?” she asked me

“I haven’t… I have always wanted to but never dared to approach anyone” I disclosed

“I see… I am a lady and there is something about us I want you to know” she paused and continued “we don’t believe someone truly loves us if he doesn’t prove it.”

“Really?” I asked amidst laughter “How do you mean?”

“I mean… Not that we are sex-hungry but when you claim you love a girl, she expects you to make some sexual advances. Even if she declines it, she smiles in her heart knowing she is the one you want. I am not asking you for sex, we aren’t dating anyway but am just trying to show you how you can prove that you love someone in case you enter a serious relationship later.”

I couldn’t believe my ears but I tried controlling the shock. It was my first time having such a conversation. My body stood still, I was stimulated and my mind started digressing from one fantasy to another. I was one of those persons who were virgins not simply because they are strong against every form of temptation but because I didn’t mingle with some friends, there was no opportunity and sometimes because we were scared to make that move. I had a feeling that this was an opportunity but how can my mouth even say to a woman “let’s have sex?” I don’t even know how to put that nor do I have the right words to use till date.

She was waiting for my reply but I was short of words. I managed to act as though I was normal

“Ermm, Mercy… I’ve heard you… I will think about what you have said. Perhaps, I am reserving myself for that person because as it stands, nobody is there yet. I don’t see why I can engage in a sexual act with someone I am not sure of holding on to the future” I said.

“Sex is not a terrible thing. You need someone that satisfies every part of you. Even God understands that… As a woman, I understand it too… You just need one person and not two!”

I felt she knew what was going on with my body, maybe she knew my body was strange to me at that point and perhaps that was what she wanted. Our co-workers were in the other room folding stationery materials and had no slightest idea of what was going on. She cat-walked closer to me with a fixed look into my eyes.

“It’s time… I will be going home” she said. I didn’t know what to say, or what to do but I only smiled at her to show that everything was alright and she added “tomorrow is Sunday, my parents and siblings travelled and they are not coming back anytime soon… It is going to be a long and lonely day for me”

“Eeeyaa” I struggled to say “it is well”

She picked her bag, waved at me and started leaving the office. I must admit, I felt this was an opportunity to explore a part of me that has been a mystery to me. At that time, I had never hugged, kissed or even held a woman’s hand by myself before. What about now? You want me to tell you?

That night, I didn’t call her on the phone as usual. I didn’t know what to tell her but I was feeling terrible. To help myself, I decided to get a book and start writing down whatever I was feeling! So many voices were in my head, one was saying “this is an invitation for the so much desired sex! You’ve helped her in several ways and perhaps she wants to pay back”, another voice was saying “this is just an opportunity knocking on your door… Don’t be a fool” but my heart was saying “No, this is not good. You are not ready for this, this isn’t the right time.”

It was Sunday morning and I never joked with attending Church services at Amazing Grace Anglican Church then. Ordinarily, I would go to Church with my phone but this time I didn’t. I deliberately switched it off and left for Church, I knew what I was avoiding. I stayed for the English service, the boring Igbo service and still stayed back for YAC fellowship that usually starts by 2 pm. I was hungry because I stayed in Church from 6 am to that point but I didn’t want to go home, I didn’t want to get anywhere near my phone because I wasn’t sure what would happen if I switch it on. Just a flash would be enough to convince me!

The fellowship ended by 5 pm and I decided to also stay behind for evensong. I went back home in the night to receive slaps from my dad for spending the entire day in Church… Finally, the day was over. I had won!

The next morning, Mercy entered the office looking mean. I wasn’t sure what was wrong but with her cold response to me throughout the day, I suspected I might have done something wrong to her. The bond we had started loosening up and it wasn’t long, she decided to quit the job.

She was a satanic agent, right?

She was sent from the pit of hell to destroy my destiny right?

I would have been possessed by seven demons if I had slept with her?

She wasn’t satanic, she was just being human.

I missed her presence in the office; the office became less fun to me especially since I was not in talking terms with the entire staff and even the boss. She stopped picking my calls and never replied to any of my messages. The day she did, she said “George, you have to stop calling me now… Things aren’t the same anymore. I like you, I will not forget you my entire life and you are just one kind of person any woman will want to be with but right now. But, I think it’s best to leave you alone. Please, stop calling me. I won’t be able to explain but just know that I love you and never meant to hurt you.”

That was the end, I felt bad but I just believed it was all happening for good.

Four years later, I was appointed as a President of a youth ministry in my church and I was part of a camp meeting planning committee. I was appointed to lead a delegation to a certain Church where I’d be speaking to the congregation and encourage them to be part of the Camp meeting that would be coming up shortly. When I came to the stage to speak, I had only talked for a few minutes when I saw a young woman at the gallery; she was carrying a baby and was heavy with another pregnancy.

It was Mercy!

She was just staring at me, she just couldn’t believe it, it was written all over her face. I tried my best to avoid her stares and the past came flashing back. It seemed like I heard those things she told me reechoing in my head but this time I was grateful to God that I never gave in at that time. Being the kind of person I am, I would have felt uneasy right there on the stage. There was no room for the devil to make me feel guilty and at that time I had not known so much of what I know now concerning God’s grace and being free from a guilty conscience. I would have stammered all through and would probably get booed out of the stage.

Right there on the stage, I also discovered how meaningless it is to share some intimacy with random people. What if we had sex? She would still leave me to get married since there isn’t any probability of her waiting for me to become a “husband material.” 10 years after, I am not yet married! With the very limited knowledge I had then, I just wouldn’t have communicated effectively to the young people there. Her stare would mean judgement to me!

I was very comfortable to say to her hearing “invite your young ones to come for our camp meeting, they are safe with us.” Do you think she would have trusted me with her young siblings? Do you think she wouldn’t think I may likely explore any opportunity I get for sex? I feel that people shouldn’t judge us for our past, however, anytime we make certain mistakes, we give people more reasons not to trust us. It takes maturity to some extents to separate people’s past from their present. As much as God has no issues with us, people may have some doubts about us even if they were our partners in crime.

I didn’t explore the opportunity I had with her, not because I didn’t want to, not even because I was more morally right. I believed that whatever reason that made me win over that situation didn’t make me better than her or anyone else. As much as I don’t regret fleeing the temptation, I also believed she was just being human. Perhaps, I can understand it this way: I was being tempted with what was natural. Right there on that stage, I was encouraged at her sight. Somehow, I became an example to her.

The future is broad, any bad decision you make today can follow you into the future and any good decision you make today can also help your confidence tomorrow! Opportunity is not a justification to do certain things. Before you do something, ask yourself again “do I have control over my emotions or is my emotion controlling me?” My emotions controlled me for a while but I had to put it under control.

However, the ability to overcome certain temptations don’t make us better than anyone else! Where she is strong, I might have failed and where she is weak I might stand strong.  It had nothing to do with me being better than her, I was not! However, the ability to overcome certain temptations don’t make us better than anyone else! Where she is strong, I might have failed and where she is weak I might stand strong.

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6 Ways Less Attention Keeps You Attractive


Yea, humans need a lot of attention, they want to be called, sent text messages and their pictures used on your profiles. In relationships, everyone wants to be regarded and treated special but what you also don’t know is that for many people, too much attention can become boring. They may not admit this because they fear they may lose the attention they get but if you also want to remain attractive, be ready to make people want you, learn to keep them in suspense sometimes, let also make efforts towards you.

You are eager to see some tips? Here we go!

DON’T GIVE GIFTS EVERYDAY

Many times I realized that people stop appreciating your gifts when it is coming so often like what they could pick up just anywhere. You can make people develop an entitlement mentality, in the sense that they feel “of course, he is supposed to get me a gift.” They may be happy with the gifts but it doesn’t surprise them anymore when it comes everyday! So, buy gifts less often so that each moment can count and be a surprise. However, each time you should give a gift, be creative with it. You don’t have to break a bank anyway!

 Gifts should say “I love you” and not “I am obsessed with you.”

CREATE ENOUGH SPACE

Until people also start missing you, don’t stop creating a healthy space. Sometimes, people don’t even know if they would ever miss you because you do not give them any space to breathe and be on their own. When you give people space, you are letting them know the special place you occupy in their hearts. This may not sound like what people want to hear, but, don’t always be there at all times when it isn’t necessary.

When you are always filling up space, they may have to start avoiding you and the attraction may suddenly burn out! Let them miss your presence, let them miss your attention and let them also have the opportunity to spill it out! You too need an assurance, don’t you? If you always check up on someone now and then, it may begin fine with too much excitement! But, a time might come when they begin to feel that you are too domineering, obsessed and creepy! They might have to start telling lies about their whereabouts. And, when people start to avoid you, whatever you shared with them is dying!

People appreciate what they also invest their effort into. Let them also try making efforts to come to you and they will value each time you share with them. You will appear desperate when you are always knocking on the door or bumping into her hang out with other friends. 

DON’T BUG HIM OR HER

Everyone hates bugs, they are very annoying! Indeed, they may complain that you don’t call often but a healthy amount of calls isn’t always enough and excessive amount kills the whole thing and make it boring; it is fine they keep missing you sometimes so that every call is worth it. Don’t flood their phones with text messages, calls and social media messages every second! Sometimes, if there isn’t any emergency don’t call few minutes or even hours after previous calls! Instead of asking “where are you? What are you doing?” at all times and for no reason, let them call you and complain that “you didn’t call me today…”

Text only sparingly!

Avoid making all your social media posts about him or her, avoiding trolling their posts and pictures! Aside from birthdays and special days, you should be yourself on social media without making her feel any sense of desperation. Don’t lose your identity for someone else in your own space. Let me tell you what desperation does, it makes them feel you are the one who needs them and they leave the entire task for you!

I never said you shouldn’t text! Texting is important; it is lovely but don’t increase the frequency and always make each text a surprise! Don’t rush to your phone when you feel they responded to your text or sent you a text. You know why? You need to make them keep missing you, flipping their phones here and there as they wait to read from you.

FEEL SPECIAL ABOUT YOURSELF

This is one big bonus I feel most women have over men, I may be wrong! But many women play hard to get even when they are burning inside of them emotionally, men seem to appreciate them more than they do to men if they fought to get their attention. You can turn the tables if you are eventually dealing with a lady who is attracted to you. Don’t make her feel unimportant but also don’t make her feel you are desperate. Even if you are, help yourself by pretending that you are not. You shouldn’t be desperate after all.

If a lady is attracted to you, don’t make your intentions known in a straight forward statement. Play around, speak in parables and show your intentions in your actions. It is natural; when it is too fast, it may die too fast but when it takes some time and some efforts, the appreciation gets better. Do you know what it means when you play a bit hard to get? It shows that you aren’t in a rush, that you value yourself and you can live without someone.

BE HAPPY WITHOUT ANYONE

You don’t go to the movies only when you are hanging out with someone. Live your own life and give yourself a treat too! Don’t lose your friends because a new person walked into your life. New people aren’t worth the sacrifice because they haven’t proven anything yet. Anyone can walk in at any time but not everyone can stay…

Give your time for yourself and others but never make anyone person have all of your time. When they discover that you are naturally a happy person, they would desire you more! Nobody wants to be with someone who is mean all the time!

Don’t enjoy your life just to show people that you are enjoying your life, be free with yourself, realize that you’ve got your family, classmates, office colleagues and so on in your life and spend time with them too! Let them come to your social media and realize that your life isn’t revolving around one person alone, let them realize that you are happy even without any special person in the picture and they will work even harder to make herself very relevant to you.

We train people to become toxic to us by making them constantly feel that we are useless without them or that our happiness is dependent on them.

DON’T PLAY GAMES

Playing hard to get doesn’t mean that you have to play games with people’s emotions when they truly mean nothing to you. People who play games only try to make others feel what they never meant, they want to make someone feel she is loved while she isn’t and they do this because they want to take advantage of someone even when they aren’t worth it. Playing games makes you less attractive, it may seem to be working at first but it destroys your integrity with time and can only get you desperate people who may not truly know what they want.

You can maintain your attractiveness by giving rooms for someone to also want you as much as you want them. Till then, you may be struggling to maintain what they found attractive in you. Make yourself uncommon and special!

Which of the points spoke to you? Let me know in the comment section.

WHAT YOU MUST NOT DO ON A FIRST DATE


There is this thing as single and searching. When you are probably searching, you are open to more greetings, more attention and of course more invitations. Although there isn’t any rule that says a guy is the one to invite a lady over, I am writing this specifically to ladies because the society seems to agree that men usually make the first move.

When you are meeting a guy for the first time and you probably have an intention of being more open to accepting a relationship proposal in case things works out, don’t try so hard to impress him at first sight. He may indeed have seen your beautiful pictures on the social media, he may have seen a slightly lightened skin when you seem to be a bit darker or he may have seen an acne-free face when you probably have few spots on your cheeks in real life but regardless of that, never try to impress him with more or what isn’t really you.

never try to impress him with more or what isn’t really you.

So many people compete with what photo editors make them look like. Because you got beautified in the pictures with editors doesn’t mean you should force yourself to look that way or perhaps meet up with the expectation of your date. If you have to try hard to impress people, then it means you aren’t being your real self. If you should be your real self there isn’t anything to try. It’s either he likes you or he doesn’t like you, nothing will change that.

You don’t have to spend time in the mirror painting your face and closing every spot… I mean… For crying out loud, what are you doing? There isn’t any point for heavy makeups, scary eyelashes, contact lens or the best of your clothes. Keep the best of your clothes for the best days. You aren’t going for a photo session, after all, you are simply walking out there to meet someone, study yourselves and know what’s next! Appear in your most comfortable way, wear the most comfortable clothes and put up your real comfortable attitude! No need for gimmicks!

Keep the best of your clothes for the best days.

If you feel someone will not like you because of the way you are, why falsely present yourself the way you feel they will like knowing that you aren’t truly that way? If you have to depend on makeups and artificial add-ons to feel comfortable about yourself, then you are suffering from low self-esteem. Dependence on external things to make you appear great will hurt your self-esteem when they aren’t there anymore. If you should makeup, do it because you love doing them not because you want to impress anyone. If you are envisioning marriage, you know that he will see you face the way it is every morning without makeup!

I am not trying to say that makeups and artificial hair, breast, waist, boobs and all such things aren’t nice but are the stress worth it? Why try to steal affection and attention? You don’t need someone who can’t love you outside makeup! You don’t need someone who doesn’t admire the natural you, your acne infested face, your dark or light skin and so on. You may not understand this until you waste your time attracting someone with just makeups and losing them eventually without even knowing it.

You don’t need someone who doesn’t admire the natural you

Wait a minute! I am not saying you shouldn’t makeup on your first date, just appear the way you normally appear to others. Possibly, appear in light makeups if it is part of your daily routine. I prefer to meet people just the way they are. You have to look nice without looking different so that if they still see you tomorrow by accident, they don’t have to start learning to cope with the real you. If you don’t normally dress a certain way, then you don’t have to dress that way to meet your date or just anyone you want to see for the first time.

There are many occasions where I have fixed dates with people and on the first day they appear so attractive and classy but as time goes on, I realize that this is not who they are. It gradually starts making me withdraw from them not because I don’t like them or that they don’t look beautiful but because I have gotten used to the lady I met in makeups and not outside makeups.

I prefer to meet people just the way they are.

There is also no point trying to be a nice person on a first date when you aren’t a nice person every day of your life. If you don’t usually speak phonetics, you don’t have to use it on your first date too! People should see you and know that this is you! They should reject you at that time than reject you when you think it is beginning to work out. If you usually laugh too much, it is not a problem if you also laugh too much on your first date! Just be you, be carelessly you so that people who want you can come your way and stay with you.

On several occasions, after meeting some ladies on appointment and I happen to bump into them early in the morning, on their sickbed or at their home streets, the first lines they normally give me is “I know you’ll be wondering why I look uglier today… I am not on my makeup.” And yes! Sometimes, I see them and I am wondering something… Not actually why they are uglier (because they are not) but why they look so different. What on earth is the gain?

There is also no point trying to be a nice person on a first date when you aren’t a nice person every day of your life

No rule says your first date experience must be successful, no rule says the person you decide to meet must like you. Forget those dating ideas you see on the internet, the essence of meeting people for the first time should be either to get to know them or do something together! So why try to impress people with who you are not? Maybe, this is why after a few weeks, the young man starts to act up unnecessarily, and they begin to point out problems with you that don’t even exist. The reason is simple; they got attracted to who you showed them you are and not who you are and they are looking for cheap ways to get you off their track and still blame you for walking away.

It is not a bad thing that someone doesn’t like how you look, your fashion sense, your brown teeth, your flat ass and the rest! Everyone has their spec and that they don’t like you doesn’t mean you aren’t good, you are someone else’s best. The most important thing is respecting people’s looks even if you don’t like it. So, when you meet up with someone in your real attitude, it makes things easier for you and your date. When they like what they see, you would know that it is you they like and not the foundation, pancakes, artificial ass and boobs…

You are strong for this!