​YOU WILL REGRET NOT SAYING “YES” TO ME…


Just shut up!
How dare you use such words?
Wait a minute!
Who do you think you are? Jehovah Jireh?

I have come across many exceptional egocentric persons who think that they are actually the ones giving you a privilege by accepting or requesting to be in a relationship with you and eventually want to marry you. When you eventually give in to them hoping to see someone who has a refined personality, you discover that behind the suit lies a man or woman who needs so much help. Their problem is not that they need help, we all need help, but their problem is that they don’t agree that they need help, they see their weaknesses as no issue and see you as someone they are just helping. Excuse me; it’s not everyone that is moved by that ‘public figure’ or ‘celebrity’ status!

Let me buttress my point.
A relationship is not about a person, a relationship is constructed on purpose and that purpose cannot be achieved when one person feels more relevant than the other. Both parties in a relationship are privileged to meet each other and establish a relationship. People who make you feel like they are just helping you by marrying you are just very terrible people. Behind their suit, celebrity status and all those entourage that follows them, they are struggling with pressing issues and may need someone who tolerates their undisciplined habits. They may need someone who can help work on them.

However, because of their ego, they wouldn’t want to acknowledge that they have a problem. This was the very problem Jesus had with the Pharisees and other elites of Judaism. They knew they had issues but they never wanted to open up, if they had opened up. Doctors don’t come for healthy people, they go for people who have a problem and admit it. Your ego will always reject help.

This is why certain ladies undergo several waves of abuse in the hands of their partner and they still stick to him, not because this is what they want but because they feel that they have gone too far to back off, they think their life is now tied to the hands of the man. Some of us go around creating an impression that we are very perfect people in the flesh, and we don’t want to admit that meeting someone who wants to manage our flaws is a privilege and we go ahead to make very stupid remarks like “you will regret not marrying me”. When I hear people say that, I want to walk up to them from the back, tap them gently and ask them “and who do you think you are?”

Little wonders proud people always fail!
It takes humility to appreciate someone who has chosen to be with us. It doesn’t matter how good, romantic and understanding we think we are, we are not the one doing someone a favour by marrying or being in a relationship with them, we need them as much as they need us. They can help us become even better and we can help them in our way too.

Adam never knew he needed a helpmeet, Adam never complained to God because he never had an early orientation of being in the company of someone before and he never wanted it because he never knew about it. But, when God brought the woman to him, he didn’t go about saying “you can’t do without me…”, he rather admitted that “this is the woman I need!”.

I just hate that arrogance!
When we go about treating people as though they are nothing without us, we have proven that we cannot be trusted. It means we are not looking for a relationship, we are just colonial masters and no one wants to be under a colonial master. This doesn’t mean we don’t appreciate ourselves… Oh, come on! I do that a lot! I tell myself that my wife and kids will be blessed to have me and I look at myself in the mirror and tell myself “George you are good, God made you good” but I don’t come to someone and put it up to her saying “if you do not yield to me… You are gone!” if we act that way, we are not different from those men who rape women for saying “no” to them. It shows we are just being obsessed with our selves that we cannot appreciate another person. If you can’t appreciate someone, there is no point being in a relationship with them, you don’t need it!

You’re damn good!
I don’t mean that we should stop seeing our importance or we stop appreciating ourselves. If we can’t appreciate ourselves and see ourselves as people who are worthy of someone’s love, we may start living in self-pity. When we lose confidence in ourselves, we may not able to give our best. What I am kicking against is when we start magnifying our personality over another person and start seeing ourselves as the only important person in a relationship, it makes us bossy, selfish and very annoying. Our partner’s decisions may not even matter to us anymore because we feel our words are the final say. That is what you get when you are in a relationship where one person thinks you are only privileged to meet him or her. No, we are privileged to meet ourselves.

What many people cover up with such useless ego are their terrible past and present. Some of them have a very terrible lifestyle that you may not know about, they suffer from lots of addiction and they are truly feeling very inferior about themselves just that they try to protect their weaknesses and magnify themselves over you in a bid to measure up and have you respect them. They feel once they open up to you they lose their ‘superior image’. Anyone who acts this way is very difficult to change because they know they have a problem but they are just never going to admit, they will employ all manner of tactics to cover it until you are entirely trapped into their lives. And they are toxic people!

If you fall into this category of persons, you may need to help yourself by admitting that you need help. Many public figures have issues; they hide the devils in them inside their designers wears. Don’t be caught in the web of illusions, it will not always last long and when it ends, it damages all the integrity you have falsely built. Being honest about yourself brings you more respect than you can ever imagine.

Being sincere with who you are do not scare people away, it makes them love you the more and even trust you. If someone can be free enough to share her ugly past or weaknesses to me, then I will always trust that she will be very open and sincere as we work something out. We are there to help, build, cherish and respect ourselves after all.

Defeat that ego!
It’s time to give up on your ego; you may not like yourself when things turn against you and it will turn against you if you keep living that way. No wonder the bible says that pride goes before a fall! Pride will make you keep building on the mountains of lies, lies don’t last forever.

The relationship isn’t just an affair, it is a responsibility. If you are in a relationship, then it is time to be very responsible, it is time to work on yourself and your partner. Let me tell you what a sweet relationship looks like: when you can look into your partner’s eyes and say “I understand… We will fight together and win together” and your partner can do the same to you, it is a sweet relationship.

Kill that pride…
In relationships, we’re babies that grow every day.
Darling, you need me and I need you much more!
God bless you!

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LOVE IS LABOUR, NOT PLEASURE


Again and again, I habitually sit back to ponder on certain things, I try to look from varying perspectives to gain better insight and know better. I was reflecting on that word “love” again and a Bible verse stroke a chord in my heart. It made the distinction! I’d like the words of Jesus to re-echo in our hearts; He said

“So now I am giving you a new commandment: Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other. Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples.” – John 13:34-35

When we love, people will know that we are His disciples. You must understand that being a disciple means being a learner and this connotes that when we love, people will know that we are learning of Christ. This means that love is the only way to truly be Christ-like in a practical sense. Love is the only way to show Jesus.

When we discuss love, we aren’t talking about what a boy feels for a girl, we aren’t talking about the gifts a boy buys for a girl because of how he feels. We also aren’t talking about the feeling a girl has for a boy as a compensation for all the gifts she has been receiving. Love exceeds all of those. The Bible says that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. This is what love means! Love covers a multitude of offence, love doesn’t fade away because we couldn’t get what we want! Love is that ability to be wronged, offended and even despised but still choose to admire, respect and stand for the offender. It is in this interest that the Bible says “love is the greatest…” (1 Corinthians 13:13)

Many times, we want to feel that it is impracticable to love and while I admit that it is not natural to the flesh to live like Christ, we can truly love like Him because the nature of Christ has been made available in our Spirit and we can superimpose Christ’s nature of love on our mind by learning of Him every day and functioning in the reality of what we learn of Him. Jesus wasn’t suggesting that we love, He wasn’t advising us to love, and He wasn’t trying to inspire us or motivate us to love! He rather charged us and gave us a command to love one and another. He didn’t just leave us with a command, He also empowered us to be able to live up to it if we so desire it. However, it isn’t negotiable; it is a way of life that we must follow.

In light of this truth, we see something astounding. Love isn’t a choice, it is not an advice or an appeal; it is a commandment from our Lord, Jesus Christ. This is how He expects us to live, His love was made complete in us (1 John 4:12) so that we can give out to others in full measure. The problem is that a lot of us are too carnal that we are afraid to exercise our Spiritual qualities. The only way to express a better understanding of God is not to preach but to love! Love should be the reason why we teach, preach and reach out to people. We can’t prove we know God if we do not walk in genuine love. The Bible says in 1 John 4:8

“Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love.”

The knowledge of God in us propels us to bear good fruits. What serves as fruit in us is our character and our attitudes towards others. The fruit of the Spirit isn’t something we wait for the Holy Spirit to gift to us. As believers, we have a regenerated spirit, our spirit is perfect (1 Peter 1:23) and our spirit is bearing good fruits. The Bible says in Galatians 5:22-23

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things, there is no law.”

Love is one of the fruits of the Spirit, all other fruits are also made possible by love. The fruit of the Spirit isn’t the fruit of the Holy Spirit in the context of that reference, it is the fruit of our born again Spirit. The bible says that we should walk in the Spirit, it didn’t say we should pray for the ability because as believers we already possess the ability to walk in the Spirit.

If we wouldn’t be able to walk in the Spirit, we wouldn’t have been instructed to do so. To walk in the Spirit means to live out in our flesh the fruits of our Spirit. Jesus said that we are known by our fruits (Matthew 7:16) and He said people will know that we are His disciples if we love. Note this please, He didn’t say people will know we are His disciples if we preach for it is by evidence that people are convinced about our identity. Let’s see that verse briefly,

“So now I am giving you a new commandment: Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples.” – John 13:34-35

The reason Jesus commanded us to love each other just the same way He has loved us is that this is the only way to prove our identity to the world. Technically, when we don’t love just like Jesus, we are living out a mistaken identity. Jesus didn’t just ask us to love, He asked us to love just as we have been loved by Him. We don’t just love, we love like Jesus. It is not a suggestion but a commandment.

Commandment despises reasons; it entertains no respect for any kind of excuse. When you are in the army, you are obliged to obey the last order! The last order might be to open fire, it might be to slap your brother as a sign of discipline and because you are accountable to the senior officer, you must obey the last order. In the same fashion, Jesus, who is our Lord, saviour and owner have given us an instruction, a command and the greatest of it all at that. He said, “love one and another!” We don’t have a choice but to love, we don’t need any reason to love and we don’t have to feel like it, to love.

Love in this context is simply “love!” We don’t need to start defining any Greek theory! I said earlier that the kind of love Christ necessitates from us is that which respects, admire and care for others even when they are our enemies. It may seem ridiculous and cowardice but this is the kind of love God demands from us. It doesn’t mean that we see gangsters and lay our heads for them. It rather means that even when we have to seek for legal protections from wicked people, we are still concerned about them and groaning for them in prayers. We must never let our flesh proceed to rule our mind perpetually. We can learn to forgive people and let go of the hurt. Love can’t function without a forgiving heart.

Unfortunately, we talk about love so much but end up doing little. Our love for others is manifested first of all in our desire and passion to see them saved but it also continues being expressed in caring for others, in protecting the vulnerable, in assisting the needy and in seeing people just like Jesus would see them. The same way a woman in labour has no other choice than to push, we are compelled to love! Some women keep pushing out the baby and even die in the process but notwithstanding of what happens to them, they had to push, they’ve got no reason not to! Even if pushing would be impossible, they must still undergo surgical operation; this is because they have no option than to deliver that baby! It doesn’t matter the pain, you’ve still got to love.

The weakness of love is stronger than all the powers of hate in this world put together. The power of love is intoxicating to the point that when you show any man, genuine love, God Himself is triggered! I like to think that how to move God is to love, how to call for God’s attention is to love. I may not sound theologically accurate to some people here but it is true; our love for others triggers God’s attention. When you love others and show it, God is likely to say “wow! Someone just loved on me now.” Jesus made this very clear in Matthew 25:40, we saw that how to love God is to love the men God made in His image.

God has made Himself the primary beneficiary of our love to others. Love is a labour, it is not a pleasure. God wants us to labour this way, He regards us as faithful servants when we love others. Jesus didn’t say we should love people who love us, He didn’t say we should appreciate good deeds with love, He didn’t say we should love people we are attracted to. He rather commanded us to love even the least person. The smallest and insignificant person doesn’t suggest the least person in Church, God’s kingdom extends to the earth because the sphere of God’s authority is without defect. Who is the most unimportant person in your life? Who is that enemy that you have sworn to have nothing to do with? Who is that person that has so wronged you that you never want to set your eyes on them again? That is where love should begin!

As much as your child did nothing to obtain your love, this is how others should be loved. There shouldn’t be any such thing as hate at first sight. Whether they look mean, angry and unattractive, always find a means to show love. If your child destroys your certificate and valuable appliances, you may get so angry but in the end, he or she is still your child and you don’t keep being angry with them. This is also how we should treat others. The same way you believe that your child will grow out of being childish, you should also give other people that benefit of the doubt, they can grow out of their hate when they learn how to love from you! When there is a need to discipline people, love should still be the motivation! Channel your desire towards how you can make the other person better!

It is very easy to say that we can handle every offence; it is very easy to say that we can’t get bitter until we are hurt and betrayed by someone we’ve so much trusted. It is easy to say that we can love unconditionally until the person we thought we love turns against us. If love should rule above offence, then we are to labour for it. Judas betrayed Jesus but Jesus didn’t come back talking about it, the same happened with Peter. It was painful but love despises reasons. We will not always get it perfectly right but we can always try, we can always come out of hate when we remember that this isn’t where we are supposed to be. I will summarize with this story.

A man noticed a snake ensnared in something while the fire in a nearby burning bush was expanding towards the place the snake was trapped. Out of compassion the man picked the snake off its trap and started hiking down towards another part of the bush to put it to safety. The snake bit the man who out of pain threw it down immediately but quickly picked it up again and threw it to the other side of the bush. A young girl who was observing him asked: “why did you help that snake even after it bit you?” The man grinned and said “the snake will always be a snake and I will always be me. The snake won’t allow your kindness to change its nature; it is simply exhibiting its nature. In the same manner, I won’t allow the aggressiveness of the snake to change my nature that is why I still had to help even when it treated me badly.”

To love is not to see danger and fix your head in it. To love is to care for another person even when he or she is isolated for your safety. Never forget, love seeks for reconciliation, love is compassionate about getting others saved and love is revealed in care. People may hurt you while loving them but what do you do? Love again! Why? Because we are obeying the last order!

This is our last order, to love!

~ George O.N

10 WAYS TO SAY “I LOVE YOU”


Love isn’t just what we say, it is what we do. Unfortunately, many people say “I love you” but end up showing something different. We have always heard that one action speaks louder than a thousand words. There are other ways you could say “I love you” more profoundly.

Everyone needs that reassurance of love, everyone needs that security that is obtained when love is expressed and everyone wants to feel special and appreciated. However, not everyone seems to express love rightly, sometimes it seems we have limited ways of saying “I love you.” Whether you feel shy to say it or you want to express your love other ways, here are a few basic ideas to tell your loved “I love you.”

1. EXPRESS ADMIRATION

Love is indeed divine, divine love comes without a condition but we are also wired to express a degree of love based on what we admire, we are wired to also feel love and loved. What exactly is attractive in your loved ones? Do you find their figure, intelligence, hair, eyes or fingers fancy? Do you love how they walk or how they sing? Love lives beyond all of these but these features are worthy of appreciation! Express what you admire about your loved ones. You don’t have to wait till you could put it in perfect words, just express it the way you feel it. I just don’t always have to be those features that got you attracted to them at first, it could also be something new you discovered about them that is worthy of admiration and appreciation. You could say:

“I know you are much more than this but I admire and appreciate the way you put things together.”

2. LET YOUR TIME SPEAK

We only give our time to what matters most to us! Even our pets feel loved when we give them our time even when they don’t know what the word “love” means. There is a love language that is general to everything in nature! When we were of little age, we would plant beans in containers and every day we devote time to it and these plants usually blossom in beauty because they feel loved! But when we neglect them, they begin to wear off! When you devote time to someone, you don’t need to say a word for them to know you love them. Your time is very vocal and when you give it to someone, you are saying:

“Of all the things around me, I find you more important.”

3. NEVER MAKE IT ABOUT YOU

When you keep expressing characters that indicate love but ends up making it about yourself, then you are being selfish. Love is truly expressed selflessly because the true expression of love includes preferring the need of the other above yours! For example, you never have to be satisfied before you can do something for someone, you don’t have to feed to the full before you can feed another person and you don’t have to get all the clothes you want before you can extend some to another person. When you love selflessly, you are saying

“Although I have needs, your well-being is a priority.”

4. BE GENEROUS WITH RESPECT

Healthy relationships don’t exist without a strong foundation of a shared respect for one and another. Respect is not gender-based, it is not a gender responsibility neither is it meant for just one party! To respect someone means to believe, understand and admire someone even if they have different opinions from yours. Having respect isn’t enough, showing it is important! This means that even when there seem to be rooms for disagreements you still respect their opinions, their choices and their personality. When you respect others, you are saying:

“I admire, understand and believe in you! We may disagree on some issues but I can cope with your differing views.”

5. OFFER HELP

I usually paid my ex visits (when we were still dating) on weekends to help her do laundries, clean the house and assist her sometimes with the cooking. This was my way of offering help, not because it was very easy for me but because those were areas I could give my love-offerings! It doesn’t have to be convenient before we could do it. Sometimes, while helping her with the laundry, my clothes are waiting for me in my apartment to be washed. To help people isn’t just to do something; it is to do more than your share. It may be financial, intellectual, physical and many other modes of assistance and none is tied to any specific person. By offering to help, you are saying

“I want you to be happy; I want to ease the burden off you!”

6. EXPRESS AFFECTION

Affection is mentally appealing, it also brings emotional healing! You can express affection by touching, hugging and other forms of physical touch. Sometimes, people are tensed or bothered and while we may not have a solution to their problem, they would just need a hug, a touch, holding of hands or a kiss to feel better. There were many times in my life when affection was just what I needed, I needed just a hug or perhaps a touch with a soothing word that says “it is going to be fine!” Science has proven that there are mental and physical benefits to the showing of affection. For some of us who could still count how many hugs and touch we have gotten as adults, we treasure affection more than anything else because it seems hard to come to us. By showing affection, you are saying

“I know I may not be able to right all the wrongs that happen to you but I can let you feel my warmth, listen to my heartbeat and lean on my shoulders.”

7. GIFTS ARE SPECIAL

Gifts are very special but they don’t need any special time or special occasions to be given. The gift of a man makes a way for him, which is what the Bible tells us. You can also understand it to mean that the gift of someone say words that the person can’t say. Gifts are great on birthdays and anniversaries but they are also great on normal days! One of the greatest and fastest ways of communicating love is in giving gifts. Trying surprising your loved one today with an unexpected gift, you don’t have to break a bank but be creative! By giving gifts, you are saying

“I appreciate our friendship”

8. PRAISE THEM PUBLICLY

Sometimes, praising people publicly shows them how special they are, it also indicates that you are very proud of them. You could praise them when others are talking against them, you could defend their interest too. More so, you can also talk about how special they are on your social media handlers. This doesn’t mean bringing privacies into the public; love isn’t a private affair after all. When you are bold enough to appreciate someone publicly, you are saying

“I am proud of you and proud to tell the world that I love you.”

9. OPEN UP!

It is time to stop pretending to be who you are not, it is time to stop being rigid, it is time to bare your heart and let someone see you and love the real you! Many times we let our past experiences control us; we close up ourselves so much because we are afraid of getting hurt again. Love makes us vulnerable and until you open up yourself, you will be limited to the level of love you express by yourself. Lose your defences; stop hiding your weaknesses, let go of your pride and come out of your reserve! Until we trust someone with our vulnerability, we are afraid to love and be loved. When you open up, you are saying

“I know I have been hurt in the past but I want to trust you with my heart.”

10. SAY “I LOVE YOU”

Although not all that say “I love you” really mean it, you can mean it and say it. Do you see these three words? They may be mere archaic words but they are still very refreshing to the soul. It still happens to be the best way to vocalize your love! If you don’t mean it, never say it because it unlocks emotions! When you say “I love you”, you are also saying

“You see all these displays of attention, admiration and affection towards you? It is because I truly love you. Now, I want to be sure that you know it.”

There could be more ways to say “I love you!”

Which part speaks more to you? And which other ways do you think we could say “I love you”? Let’s get your comments!

DISCOVERING THE HEADSHIP OF MAN IN THE FAMILY


Welcome to the age where men are fighting for relevance, where they have to suppress their wives and children to get what they suppose is respect. Sometimes, fighting for something simply indicates that we either do not have it, that we aren’t worth it or that we have lost it! If a man still has his headship intact, he may not have to fight for it, he would just have to act on it! If a man hadn’t lost his headship, is there any need fighting for it? Sometimes again, people fight for what they have because they don’t even know they have it or because they can’t even operate it and identify what they have from the results it yields.

Until men concede to the true essence of “headship”, until they humble themselves and take up the cloak of service, they will continue fighting for relevance, seeking for respect and yet never get restored into the seat of “headship”. Efficient leadership is found in the place of effective co-operation. You don’t fight for it, you don’t blow the trumpet for it! You simply walk into it within the doors of service. This service begins with love and gets achieved with love. Leadership cannot be proven by manipulated submission, it is proven by willing followership.

Before we look into some things that the Bible said concerning the man in his family, we are very much aware that if we want to understand the true way God designed men to serve his own body by the reason of the woman becoming one with him and the children being the products of that union, we must look at how Jesus served and serves the Church as His own body! Jesus said in Mark 10:45

“For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”

Jesus who is our Lord, the King of Kings and the saviour of the world never came seeking for people to serve Him! He came with service in His hands, He came offering service to anyone willing to receive. Yet, it is His service that got us all running to Him! You see the sick, the sinners, the rejected and even Children running up to Him because He serves, He wasn’t forcing submission on anyone as the religious leader would do, He was rather giving out Himself to people and these people, in turn, were bowing willingly to Him!

No wonder the women followed Jesus so well! They look at Jesus and they see the definition of the perfect man! They couldn’t see this kind of man in the religious leaders of that time, they couldn’t see it in the common men because the demands were heavy on them to always submit. It was a forceful submission to men and the ills of the society. A woman was caught in adultery, they passed judgment on her and almost stoned her in condemnation while the man was not even brought to the public but shielded! The same happens in our societies today, women are condemned if they ever cheat on their husbands while men are absolved by the society. Well, Jesus treated everyone the same! In Matthew 9:3, Jesus told a paralytic man that his sins are forgiven and in Luke 7:48, Jesus also told a sinful woman that her sins were forgiven. Jesus sees differently and if men must discover the place of headship, they have to learn of Christ.

We see something amazing about Jesus, He is aware that He is the Lord and the master, He is aware of His authority but the awareness of His authority only got Him into serving those that were supposed to serve Him. It was absurd when He bent low to wash the feet of His disciples, it wasn’t a ritual, it wasn’t a kind of ceremony, it was an example that He had set for every leader called by His name to follow. Jesus redefined leadership, He brought God’s meaning of leadership and in Him, we discovered that leadership simply means “serving others.” In John 13:13-15, as the disciples wondered why He would stoop low to wash their feet which is the work of the least of servants, He said to them

“You call me ‘Teacher’ and ‘Lord,’ and rightly so, for that is what I am. Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another’s feet. I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you.”

Jesus needed to set the record straight. By His actions, He was shouting on top of His voice “leaders are servants! Lords and teachers are feet washers! If you truly identify yourself as the head, you must bend low to serve. The head serves the body.” Have you ever studied the body? What is the duty of the head? The head serves the body in several ways until the body becomes strong enough to give back to the head. Before you started feeding yourself, your mother would bring your head closer to her breast and let you suck her milk. It is by this nourishment that you became stronger to the point of being able to feed yourself through the same head that had started serving you! It is with the same hand that had become strong that you wash your head, do your makeups and make the head attractive! In the same manner, Jesus showed us that the headship of man is greatly displayed in service to his body and turn, the body gives back to the man.

The reason many men don’t enjoy respect today is that they were fighting for it, they were mounting pressures for it and they never worked for it! You can’t earn what you don’t work for. Many times, we are forcing women into the position of headship by forcing them to serve! The leader is the one who initiates service, he is the model of service. Why leave women to train the children while you just make money and pay school fees? Haven’t you asked why many children grow up following their mothers? This is because it was the mother that they recognized her services, they are giving back to the leadership they felt and could relate with.

Why do we have to look up to Jesus to see what exactly leadership is in the family? First, Jesus and the Church is the reality of God’s design for the family (Revelations 19:7). Secondly, the Bible instructs us to learn from Jesus (Matthew 11:29) and thirdly, the Bible instructs men to love their wives just like Jesus loves the Church (Ephesians 5:25), the man must act towards his wife and family as Jesus acted towards the Church. However, there are still more that we can get from the Bible and if men can heed to this, they will explore the place of headship!

The submission of the wife to the man is by influence. The man influences his wife through his service; a pleasant display of love and true leadership. Someone would respond to you and even bow before you not because they respect you in their heart but because you have a gun and would shoot them if they disobey. Jesus didn’t come forcing Himself to us, He came saying “come unto me, I have the rest you seek.” This is the manner with which men should express headship. The authority of the man isn’t that of a dictator, the Biblical-leadership of the husband is expressed with Godly virtues. The Bible says in Colossians 3:19

“Husbands, love your wives and never treat them harshly.”

I like the sound of that word “never!” The duty of the husband springs with love as Jesus loves the Church. The Bible also instructs that there isn’t any account on which the husband should be harsh to his wife. God’s desire in giving a woman to a man isn’t to get a new servant for the man but to allow the man to raise and model a Godly family! The woman is also a child of God, with the advantage of helping the man in his areas of weakness and the tasks given to him by God. This isn’t the sole reason women were created.

My previous articles have explained that beyond marriage, women also have the calling and blessing to subdue the earth and lead in society. In marriage, the woman possesses a strength that can help the man. God never graded the women as a second-place or an afterthought and this is why men are wired to care for them, not as though they are weak but because they are treasures that need protection. What will you do to the store of your treasures? Will you invest in security to keep it secure or will you leave it to the mercies of chances? Husbands influence submission by protecting and caring for their wives! There is no place of commanding the wife or pressurizing her into something. You influence her by your love, provision and utmost care! This is how a man initiates leadership. The Bible says in this regard in 1 Timothy 5:8

“But if any do not take care of their relatives, especially the members of their own family, they have denied the faith and are worse than an unbeliever.”

The husband sets an example of care and provision! Yes, the virtuous woman also provides, she is also engaged with several businesses and in the same vein don’t ignore her family and husband but the man sets an example of service and the woman also responds to this love wholeheartedly.

God never gave you a wife to use her as a punching bag! God never gave you a woman to experiment with your power and physical strength, she was given for companionship, to humble you and to help you become the best of you! It is wrong when you attribute leadership to your quest for power! Your physical strength is given to you to use and protect your wife and your children. It doesn’t make you superior, it simply brings uniqueness to your role as a husband. The Bible says in 1 Peter 3:7

“In the same way, you husbands must give honour to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life. Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered.”

Wives aren’t to be treated as afterthoughts but with honour and understanding! This is one great way to discover and take your place as the head or leader in the family. Regardless of the physical strength of a woman, she is not inferior and should be treated as your partner! Sometimes men hinder their progress as “husbands” by the way they treat their wives. You need to also come to that place of submission, that place of accountability and that place of honour for your wife. The strength of the man was ever designed to be lord over a woman, the man should rather use that strength to care and love a woman. She will willingly follow as her followership is a gift for your awesome display of leadership.

Have you noticed that God designed both male and female in such a way that they would complement? Where the man is weak, the woman is usually strong and where the woman is weak, the man is usually strong! Technically, no one is truly stronger if we put all of this into consideration. We will always find the answer when we go back and look at the creation story. God brought the woman to the man because the man needed a companion and a helpmeet. The best of this woman can only be gotten in teamwork. When the recognizes and take his place as a leader in the place of true service, love and respect for the woman, he will build a successful home!

One way to dismantle spiritual order in homes is to fight for authority as a man. The kind of authority God wants the man to have isn’t that gotten through dictatorship, through pressure or even through emotional blackmail. It is the authority gotten through service and love for what God has committed to his care. When we serve, we win those who we serve and they gladly follow. A wife will always give back to the service of the man and this way the husband takes his place of ‘headship’ to raise a Godly-family.

God bless you.

~ George O.N

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THE BEAUTY OF BREAKUP


It would seem absurd to say that breakup is beautiful and at its most critical state; a gift when you still loved him or her but watched them go away or when you just couldn’t help it but walk away. Although the instant feeling we get from it is awful, when we think of it in another way, we would be glad to discern that many times, a breakup isn’t a terrible thing, it isn’t even disgusting! It would be the most beautiful thing that has ever happened to us. 

It is okay to cry over breakups, it is okay to mourn what you seem to have lost, the good days you have always banked on and the people you have scared away from your life just because you believed that space is already taken. But can I ask you a quick question? What exactly do you want? What meaning are you reading into their departure? It doesn’t matter the reason why they left, it doesn’t matter if they made you call it off but your thanksgiving should be on the fact that you are done with someone who truly wants to live without you. When people suddenly realize that you don’t fit into their future and decide to walk away from you, it is not bad to cry but never desire them again and never even pray to have them back. Walking away from you is probably the most beautiful favour they have done to you.

Would you have fancied that he or she stayed more years and still eventually break up with you when they had gotten deeper into you? Would you have preferred they left you right after the altar vows? Would you have preferred they left you with a baby or two? I know someone whose reply would be “yes!” but that is because she is still lost in the euphoria of the past, she still feels there are people she can’t live without. In a matter of days, weeks, months or perhaps, years, she will realize we can really do without people who don’t truly want us.

We truly don’t have so much time on earth, why spend it mourning something that isn’t meant to be with us? Why spend it with someone who has a lot of options aside us? Why spend it with someone who believes there isn’t any future for us? They aren’t bad people anyway for wanting to live without us but we deserve better, they don’t deserve those tears and mourning. What they deserve is your acceptance of their departure! Since you were just an option in their lives, you truly need someone who doesn’t see you as an option, someone who has seen something in you that they can’t let go. It is not about something who can’t do without you, it is about someone who has decided not to live without you. When someone wants to walk away from your life, they don’t deserve your tears. What they deserve is that you show them the way out through the exit door.

Why want to stick to a relationship that is on its last leg just because you are afraid of walking alone for some time? There has to be a serious connection, there has to be a strong definition of purpose and there has to be a sense of security. When he or she always makes you question your place in that relationship, they don’t deserve you. See that break up as a blessing, see it as empowerment to move ahead with your life and build a more meaningful relationship that is relevant to your future and your dreams! No matter how bad you had felt, you need to change the way you look at break-up, it is usually a huge blessing!

Sometimes, that breakup is salvation from abusive and toxic relationships that you wouldn’t let go! It would be emotional abuse or physical abuse. This relationship may never have been what you desired, you may have been the one apologizing for all issues, you may have been the one trying to keep the relationship going simply because of how far both of you have gone! You may have been enduring months or years of never being understood, never been cared for or respected but you can’t let go because you believe that somehow it would work out. You believe you may manage all along and he or she has helped you by breaking it off!

There are other times it may be that your partner depends on you for all of his or her emotional fulfilment! You are blamed for every time they don’t feel good, you are blamed for every time they felt sick, you are blamed for not picking calls, visiting and being there all the time! Now that he or she is walking away, why not stand out for them to pass? Don’t you know this a deliverance? You need your own space, you need your own life too. You aren’t Jesus and you don’t need to lose your own life and dreams just to please someone who is all out for himself and not for you!

Anyone who wants to leave you today can still leave you at any point, don’t try stopping them. They can leave early and they can leave late! The longer their departure takes, the severe the hurt becomes. The more you try to hold them from leaving, the more you breed a bigger problem for yourself because you will keep getting much more emotionally attached to them. So, when they leave, they have liberated you from problems and regardless of the reason why they left, see it as good news for yourself, see it as deliverance!

Breakup isn’t as bad as you think, it is not bad at all! It is beautiful and very relieving! You may be willing to stay in an unhealthy relationship just because you have low self-esteem and you think you aren’t good enough for a beautiful and better relationship but breakup delivers you from that mentality! It gives you another opportunity to learn and even avoid certain mistakes you had made. Breakup is another opportunity to get things right, it doesn’t mean that things will automatically become right just after breakups but now you have an opportunity to correct things you couldn’t correct earlier and you also have an opportunity to look at yourself and make adjustments! Breakup is an opportunity to build again right from the foundation.

It is true that a big vacuum has been created, it is true that the once closed door of your heart has been left open once again but it is also true that you have a better opportunity to give that space to the right person. This is the beauty of breakup.

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HOW WOMEN SHOULD NOT SUBMIT IN MARRIAGE


What exactly are we talking about when we talk about submission in marriage? Should the issue of submission be wrestled about? Do men have to out-rightly demand this submission? In what sense should women submit to their husbands? If you are an ardent reader of George’s Diary, you will have seen various teachings we had done as regards to women and we keep updating them every day to ensure accuracy. If women were asked to submit to their husbands, does it mean they are not equal with their husbands? Does it suggest they are to live by their husband’s rule without question? I will answer a few of these questions by actually telling us what submission isn’t or what God never defined as submission in marriage.

Marriage is like a plane where there are two pilots. Both contribute to a successful flight! For order, there is usually a captain and then the co-pilot. Sometimes the captain will need a rest and the senior officer (co-pilot) plays the role of the captain. In a family of two siblings, one would have come first and he is branded the “senior” but it doesn’t suggest he is superior or even more important. Being the senior is in age and ranking but in the real sense of it, they are equal as children, sons or daughters and they both have equal access to their parents and the resources made available to them as members of the family. However, certain tasks and responsibilities will be given to them with respect to their strength. Sometimes, the junior may even be stronger than the senior and it doesn’t make anyone more important or superior to one and another.

A captain and a co-pilot require the same skill and qualifications. There are no flight tasks exempted from the co-pilot as he or she needs an equal qualification to play the commanding role when the captain takes a break. In some cases too, the co-pilot plays a complementary role in difficult tasks where his or her own contributions and intelligence is also valued! It doesn’t rob the captain of his leadership position.

I believe that married couples are one and each contributes to raising a healthy family according to their areas of strength. Being a wife doesn’t make her inferior neither does being a husband makes him superior to the wife. In a simple line, to live in submission as a wife simply means responding to God’s call into the office of a helpmeet, recognizing and honouring the husband’s God-given position as the leader of the family with whom you stir the affairs of the family. It is in the identification of his role as the leader that you are even able to offer him necessary help and to also stand in his capacity when he is weak. In response to the issue of submission, husbands are also called to “highly respect” and hold their wives in high esteem! (1 Peter 3:7) To highly respect means to have a great sense and feeling of deep admiration for someone or something elicited by their abilities, qualities, or achievements.

So, a husband, in turn, should be in awe of the amazing qualities his wife possess in solving problems! Leadership is meant to bring out the great potentials of others and this is what a husband should do, he gives room for the “helping” potentials of his wife to manifest! You don’t get that by imposing authority, you get that by allowing them to manifest freely and it is in their willingness to manifest their gifts as a wife freely that they also submit. The logic is, submission becomes very easy when you love and greatly respect your wife and the “answers” they carry. Another way men express leadership in marriage is by loving their wives the same way Christ loves the Church and gave Himself for the Church (Ephesians 5:25). This is a sacrifice, a man must sacrifice everything including his ego as an expression of leadership in the home!

Now, let’s look at certain things we must never define as submission.

1. SUBMISSION IS NOT UNCONDITIONAL AGREEMENT

We often hear people say things like “you have to agree with him without question because he is your husband. You can only suggest but he decides.” Oh well, that sounds so cool but that is a whole bunch of lies. In 1 Peter 3, if there were wives whose husbands were not Christians; in this sense, they heavily disagree, then it is possible to disagree with things that aren’t healthy to your purpose, your convictions in life and your ultimate loyalty to Christ. If the husband decides to have a threesome sexual experience, you wouldn’t suggest “no” to him, you would scream “no!” and in the same way, you can be bold with your convictions. After all, we have established the fact that leadership in marriage means giving room for the good opinions of another. There are places in a marriage where a woman is left with no option than to disagree respectfully and there is also no room for a man to impose his opinion disrespectfully.

2. SUBMISSION IS NOT “WITHOUT YOUR MIND”

Marriage doesn’t make a woman a robot, it doesn’t even make a woman a sex machine in the sense that she can’t say “please can we do this later, I really overworked myself today.” Submission doesn’t mean that the woman’s opinion is inferior and it doesn’t mean the mind of the woman has been sold out to the man. A good leader in marriage will always want to know and respect the opinions and strength of the other person. Many people would misinterpret 1 Corinthians 7:4 by suggesting a wife will always be available for sex but the same chapter clearly says the body of the husband also belongs to the wife and in the next verse it talks about mutual consent. A respectful husband serving as a leader should always be able to respect the body of his wife and understand when she is weak. On the other hand, being a submissive wife doesn’t mean putting your mind away and accepting things that are anti-Christ and destructive to you. You can speak your mind in the marriage too, don’t let anyone deceive you into thinking that God wants you to say “oh! yes” to everything. Remember your ultimate submission is to God and your submission to your husband should be guided by your submission to God.

The Bible view on authority should not be likened to that of the world, loyalty and submission in the family isn’t like what we see in political parties where people agree to ideologies they aren’t convinced about just because they are members of that party. You can disagree with your husband when he wants to overspend, it is both of you that pilots the ship and your own opinion also matter. In leadership, we must admit a better opinion when we see it. A good leader in marriage should be able to accept a better view and leave his own views aside. Leadership is all about doing something together and not about rolling out a personal plan.

You don’t say “we must do this!”, sometimes you say it this way “should we do this? Is it a good idea?” This is what husbands should do as they stand in the place of captains.

3. SUBMISSION IS NOT BEING LESS IMPACTFUL

Never ever be discouraged by trying to also have a great impact or strong influence over your husband’s decisions and character. Many people think that you must allow him to live the way he wants but that is not true. You were called to help him as a wife and therefore you should be the biggest influence in his life. It is not a lack of submission when you want your husband to act in certain ways. My mother got my father born again, my mother influenced him into quitting alcohol and smoking! She also had a superior influence on us and ensured we didn’t follow that path. Does that make her less submissive? No, because she was submitted not just to the man but to the purpose of the marriage and the office she occupies as a helpmeet and a mother. Today, we don’t even remember we had a Dad who would smoke and drink alcohol.

4. SUBMISSION IS NOT DOING THE WORK ALONE

People also usually think that submission in marriage means doing all the domestic chores, doing the dishes, taking care of the Children and the laundry while still keeping up with your daily job in the office. This is very wrong! You can have a submissive wife without having her enter the kitchen once! Trying to take up all the work doesn’t make you a submissive wife anyway. It is not even wrong to suggest to your husband that he should take up some domestic responsibilities and as a husband you are not being a coward by not trying to blackmail your wife into making her feel she isn’t a good woman if she isn’t able to do all the work. There should be a division of labour in the home especially when she isn’t a housewife and no man is supposed to force a woman to sit in the house all day. In our family, Dad can’t cook and therefore he doesn’t enter the kitchen for anything. The first times he tried, it was an eye sour! Mum does the cooking when we are not available to cook! On the other hand, Dad loves to do the laundry for himself and mum while we wash ours ourselves. When we are not available to clean the house and fill the water cans, Dad would do them himself. Now you see that? They both respect their places of strength without imposing extra duties on the other person.

5. SUBMISSION IS NOT “HUSBAND” ABOVE EVERYTHING

A wife has a life to live, she is a staff, a student, a member of an organization, a leader in the social world, a doctor, a mother, a friend and so on! Therefore she should balance her life to meet up with all the demands. Submission doesn’t mean going to see your husband when it is time to be at work, it is not going out with your husband when you need to stay with the kids, it doesn’t mean staying with your husband when you have an emergency in the hospital as a medical doctor. Husbands should understand this! Above all, our ultimate submission is to Christ and therefore when it comes to choosing between the husband and Jesus, it is Jesus without negotiation but with deep respect from both sides. While we love and respect our spouse, our ultimate reverence is to God.

The list would go on but now we can understand that our definition of submission should not be defined with the idea of cult-like followership, a hopeless dependence and careless disregard of our own personal convictions, goals and God’s calling in an attempt to stick to order. Both submission and leadership in marriage can only be best understood in the light of the scriptures. In other words, submission truly doesn’t mean living for the man and in his own terms, it means living for God and shaping your marriage to truly reflect God’s will and purpose for that marriage. In turn, the man expresses true leadership by identifying the duty of the woman and allowing her to carry it out effectively.

To be submissive in marriage is to be loyal to the purpose of that marriage and to affirm the role of the man as a leader making the woman also understand her own role as a helpmeet. You can’t help solve an issue you haven’t identified with.

God bless you.

~ George O.N

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WOMEN ARE NOT GOD’S ORIGINAL IDEA. HUH?


Saying that women are afterthoughts is direct disrespect to God! Quote me anywhere! I will debunk that opinion in just a few lines.

 God’s idea about women isn’t hidden in the Bible, it is not even difficult to see. To say women are not God’s original idea is to say God is not perfect. But I think it will take willful neglect of the Bible or ignorance to say that women are afterthoughts. This is what the Bible says in Genesis 1:27

“So God created human beings in his own image. In the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.”

Before the formation of the man and the woman, God had already created them. He charged both male and female to

“Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky and over every living creature that moves on the ground.” (vs 28)

Both male and female were created on the sixth day but they were formed only when it was relevant to God’s purpose. Both genders were asked to subdue to earth and be fruitful on it! It is not gendered specific.

In Genesis 2, after God had ceased from creating, He decided to call things into physical existence! The male and female human had been in spiritual existence but now God was going to call them into physical existence. The Bible says in Genesis 2:7

“Then the LORD God formed man from the dust of the ground and breathed the breath of life into his nostrils, and the man became a living being”

Do you see that? To form means to put into shape and what God actually formed was the body of the man and not the spirit of man which is the real man and cannot be formed with sand. When God breathed into man, it was the Spirit of man that He breathed into that man and therefore the formed body became a living being because a created Spirit has been deposited in it.

In Genesis 2:22 after Adam had looked for a helpmeet but couldn’t see, God was ready to also bring the woman who was created in Genesis 1 into physical existence. God wanted Adam to understand the need, strength and value of a woman. He couldn’t get such value from animals but only from another kind of man vested with a superior ability to help him in areas he can’t help himself. Before then, God already gave the world to both, God already handed authority to them both but when it comes to raising a family and the personal life of the male to some extent, he would also need the power of the woman just as Christians needs the Holy Spirit as a helper. Now the Bible says

“And from the rib that the LORD God had taken from the man, He made a woman and brought her to him”

If forming the body of the man with soil doesn’t make the soil superior to man, then forming the woman with some elements from the man doesn’t make the man superior.

When Adam saw Eve, he exclaimed in excitement

“This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’ for out of the man she was taken.”

What does that tell you? Eve was not created out of the Man, her body was made out of that of the man just as the man was made out of the soil. However, the beginning of Adam’s statement shows us something powerful! He didn’t suggest the woman was made for the man, he rather suggests that “this is the same bone as my bones and the same flesh as my flesh!” This is a strong indication of equality. I wonder where people get their flawed opinion of women from if not from the systems of the Devil himself.

In Genesis 5:2, we are reminded that women are not afterthoughts, they are God’s original idea and both genders are truly what makes up the complete definition of man in God’s perspective. The Bible says:

“Male and female He created them, and He blessed them. And in the day they were created, He called them “man.”

Now, the Bible wasn’t talking about the formation but the creation. When God created man, it was referring to both the male and the female and this is why God still calls everyone “man”. It is even the woman that has the seed of multiplication, the power to multiply is in the woman and not the man. How then does someone stand up to boldly insult God by saying that He made a mistake and tried correcting by making a woman?

After the fall, when God said to the woman

“You will desire your husband, and he will rule over you.”

He wasn’t saying “this is my original idea of making you.” He was simply telling them what was obtainable outside His presence (Eden) because the devil will always want to reverse God’s original plan. Ruling over women is not God’s idea, it the adverse effect of sin and the idea of the devil.

As believers in Christ Jesus who has been set free from the curse of sin, we are meant to be an example to the world and we are meant to understand what God’s purpose is and live by it. This is why Peter wrote in 1 Peter 3:7

“In the same way, you husbands must give honour to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life. Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered.”

Can you read that? While women may appear physically weak, they should be treated with respect and understanding! Men too ought to respect their wives because they are an equal partner with them in God’s gift of new life! We have received a new life and it makes all the difference, reconciling us to God’s original plan. When we are asked to honour our wives, we weren’t asked to just respect them but to “highly” respect them and hold them in high esteem!

Whoever says to you that “women are afterthoughts” or “not God’s original idea” is either mischievous in communicating the truth of God’s word or very ill-informed on the truth of the word. This is more reason why you should bend down to study God’s word for yourself. Nobody taught me this except the Holy Spirit who shed light on these areas when I was studying Genesis.

God bless you!

~ George O.N

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