So they finally threw me into the burning furnace, locked the gates, leaving me there to burn. I was burning, the heat was piercing into me and I felt like I was dead already. My skin smelt delicious as it roasted but then a hand tapped me from behind, it was soft and had an aura of peace. When He touched me, the spot felt chilled!
At first, I was shocked, who would be in the fire and still feel cold? Who would be comfortable in this fire like that? But I turned and behold it was Him! His beautiful face glowed even in the fire, the purity of His white wouldn’t be corrupted by the thick black smoke of that fire. He had come to me some time ago and I knew He had amazing powers, the power to save whomever He wants to save! He saved me from the sickbed miraculously and maybe He had come to save me from the fire.
“Thanks for coming… Please get me out of
this fire!” I cried!
He laughed and
started dancing! I was shocked at that “what are you doing? Dancing? While
I am burning?” He didn’t say anything, He kept dancing but I had to speak
again or even put His guilt on His face
“Why are you so
selfish? So because you can survive the fire, is that why you’re making fun of
my condition? Weren’t you the one who promised that you’ll always be there for
me? Why did you ever allow me into the fire in the first place?”
“But I am not just here for you, I am here with you!” He said without looking at me, He was enjoying His dance steps and then He added: “You can survive it!”
“Howwwww?” I shouted as the pain was becoming much more for me to bear coupled with watching someone dance in the fire while I was dying
“The pain you’re experiencing is not as a result of the fire, it is as a result of your mind. I didn’t promise to prevent you from being thrown into the fire neither did I promise you that I will put off the fire. I promised to be with you as we walk through it and I promised you shall not get burnt in the fire.”
“What are you saying? But am already burning and I am dying!” I cried
“You’re burning not because I lied but because your mind and fear are shaping your reality. Why not ignore the fire and focus on dancing with me?” He said and then He did a dance step that I had been trying to learn. I was excited, I had been trying to learn that dance step
“Woooh! You killed it! Teach me that step!” I pleaded. As I began to take the steps with Him, I suddenly started hearing the rhythm He was dancing to, it was amazing and out of whatever was in the world. I closed my eyes to assimilate the sound coming from the strings and percussion, then I opened them again!
I realized we had an orchestra but not the kind we see around! They could play the instruments in such a way that the vibes controlled my feet to dance. The lights were amazing and I realized we were on a stage with the spotlight on us!
We had danced and danced when I suddenly remembered I had been in the fire some hours ago. And I was shocked
“how did we get
here? What happened?” I asked
dancing and we should continue” He smiled. We kept dancing while we talked
“I thought we
were in the fire?” I asked
“No, we’re just
in the spotlight, not fire! Can’t you see it?” He replied
“I am sure we were in the fire!” I
depends on what you want to see. You saw the fire, but I saw the spotlight and
a nice place to dance. Let’s keep dancing or you like the fire?”
“No” I quickly replied, “I love
where we are.”
“Listen, son,” He said holding my hand as we stopped the dance “where your mind is, is where you are. Keep your focus on me and you can walk on every storm. Let your mind be on the beautiful things I have done and not on the threats of men and the challenges of this life.”
Everything went off, it seemed I was back in the fire but now my focus had changed! I went back to dancing. Right now, I love dancing in the fire as I walk through it! They had come to take my ashes and they met a man on the spotlight dancing!
Sunday morning, a typical modern Pentecostal church.
Southern Portland Ministries was busy with its usual activities and the choir had just finished with the music ministration led by Ken who happened to be the best vocalist in the Church. While Ken was on the stage, his choir robe flew around, displaying his energy and audacious stage management skills coupled with his sweet mellow voice that gatecrashed people’s emotions and got some on their knees with tears rushing down every eye. Cynthia was among the backup singers, her baritone voice usually doesn’t let her reach certain pitch Ken would be able to reach and the song Ken had led on stage was written by her but the Choir leader had encouraged her not to lead the song since she does so well as a backup singer. While Ken ministered, Cynthia who looked undisturbed from her role as a backup singer spoke out loud in her heart saying “Ken is just so blessed. I wish I had half of what he has.”
Ken had left the stage setting people’s emotion on fire! He would hear people praying with the lyrics of the song, such an exceptional atmosphere of worship has never been recorded before since he joined the Church. He knew there was something about that song, he knew it wasn’t just about his skills and he knew the words in that songs were greatly inspired. He looked back at Cynthia, shook his head and mumbled “Cynthia is just so blessed with writing inspired songs. I wish I had a moiety of what she has. Cynthia is just so blessed.”
The pastor had started preaching. Mrs Bisi was enjoying the teachings until her eyes caught a woman who had five kids around her, they were distracting her from the teachings but she had always tried putting her children in order and grasp one or two things from Pastor’s Sunday sermon. Bisi is a CEO who runs an international firm but has no child. Tears ran down her eyes and she shook sadly saying “anytime I look at this woman, I see blessings. I don’t even have children that would distract me for just a few minutes. If I only I am blessed as much as that woman, I would be very happy.”
“Mama” the little girl called, Ngozi looked at her and looked up to the Pastor again “Mama, my classmates laughed at my hair on Friday. They said my hair looks like that of their grannies. You don’t want to make my hair.” Ngozi knew this was what she had wanted to say, she doesn’t stop nagging her how her classmates make fun of her weathered school uniform or her hair.
“Chi, don’t mind them. Your hair is good. They are just jealous.”
Chi’s brother cuts in “Mama, hope we are eating rice this morning after service?”
“Shhhh. We are in Church and it is a sin to talk while Pastor is talking.” This was Ngozi’s usual way of getting them close their mouth and give her some breathing space. As she pondered over these things, her eyes caught up on Mrs Bisi and she shook her head murmuring to herself “Bisi is really blessed. If only I had just a little of what Bisi has.”
While Pastor Steve preached, his Pastor friend who had promised to visit the congregation that morning walked in with his security and protocols. His aura alone had this magnificence that engulfed it. Except for the little scar on his face, his skin radiated. Pastor Steve sighted him from the western door and felt a bit intimidated. His friend Kirk was one of the finest, richest and most popular Pastors in Portland. They started together till Kirk told him he’d be leaving for Western Portland to start up a ministry. Kirk had recently launched his 10,000 sitting capacity chapel with an additional two thousand sitting capacity tent that serves as an overflow. Pastor Steve got a bit distracted and he told the congregation “bow your heads and say a little prayer as we enter the next section of this service.” He bowed too as he mumbled to himself “if only I had just half of what Pastor Kirk has. If only I am blessed the same way Pastor Kirk is blessed. Bless me, Lord, please…”
An hour later, service was over. As his custom was, Steve had walked towards the door to greet those who cared to come around him. Kirk watched from a distance as everyone wanted to have a selfie with Pastor Steve. It wasn’t a very big congregation and it has always been like a family. Kirk watched a little girl put a wafer forward for Pastor Steve to have a bite. Another young lady, whom he later learnt is the leader of the Girls forum brought a garland or wore it on Pastor Steve’s neck and Kirk heard her say “all of us at the Girls forum appreciate you every now and then.” Kirk watched him as he carried kids up and kiss them on their cheek, he watched as Steve shook hands with people and put up his face for a selfie. As usual, social media will be awash again with Pastor Steve’s picture.
He heard Steve tell a couple “I and my wife will come around this evening for a decaffeinated coffee and then we can discuss that project and carefully look at the reports.” Kirk begrudged Steve’s freedom! The last time he tried walking on his own like Pastor Steve, he got abducted by the Islamic radicals who had terrorized the city for several years and he was released after making payments and receiving drubbings from them which explains the scar on his face. Kirk also never had such rapport with his members as they always regarded him a superhuman that wouldn’t be accessible by anyone. Kirk shook his head and sighed loudly “Steve is just so blessed! I wish I have half of what he has. I wish I have a bit of his kind of temperament and heart. God, why can’t you bless me the way you have blessed Steve?”
God stood behind with no one noticing Him and He has always been there anyway. He watched as everyone complained, He watched Steve take a walk from the door to go join his friend Kirk. He shook his head and said to Gabriel “you see… this is just man. Their definition of blessings is in material things and for them, to be blessed means to have just everything they need. To them, blessings and grace are about wearing designers, riding in beautiful cars, having kids and so on. But I have truly delivered my blessings to all men, I have released all the blessings possible but they fail to see it because they are looking at the wrong places. Abraham had only one son, Isaac and if Abraham’s blessings were to be defined by what he had, he would never fall in the category of people we should call blessed.”
Each time she walked past my office door our eyes meet and I would feel
sparks! I don’t know what she always felt but I felt sparks. Few times we
greeted, hers was served with lots of lovely tones. Is this just for me or is
it who she is? Those thoughts would usually play on my mind. Whatever I was
feeling, I knew I was falling! If it was love I was falling into, I couldn’t
tell but there was something I found myself falling into.
She had just the exact spec I had always desired, tall, slim, a mix of
blond and chocolate skin, white eyes against my red hot eyes, straight nose
pointing right to her feet and a well relaxed long natural hair made into
doughnut…. That was just killing! Her smiles get me signing the wrong documents
because I don’t see documents, I just see her face. She always smells nice but
work ethics would never allow me to tell her!
There has always been one problem! Would it be she wanted me but can’t
make it so obvious because she is a woman? Mama had reminded me she needs
another daughter and maybe I was going to make her one. Maybe I was going to be
a man this afternoon and spill it all out! I looked back at the standing mirror
to ensure I looked smart enough to fit into the moment. With some silent
practices, I was going to do it for the first time! You get what I meant? I was
going to get a woman for myself all by myself without trying to play her into
making it obvious to me. I was going to defeat that fear of “no”.
It was my first time in her office, she works in a different department
and so we would stay a month without seeing if we want it so. My heart was
skipping, I had forgotten everything I practised and that feeling of a boy who
is just waking up in the classroom to have the teacher ask him “what is the
answer?” got me! Well, she saved me from embarrassing myself and she
kick-started a discussion.
I was not paying so much attention to the words more than I paid to her
moving lips; the way it moved and synced with her smile and then I couldn’t
hold it anymore “isn’t this God so wonderful?” I exclaimed
“You mean?” She asked me surprised
“Have anyone truly described your beauty?” I asked, my audacity was
“Oh… Yea! Someone knows how to do that so well…” She smiled
Those words shocked me rather, was I going to have any competition? I
was a bit distracted with thoughts and her voice brought me back “you know you
look handsome right?” My God! I felt goose pimple all over me, her last word
kept reechoing in my head and I thought to myself “George, you have made it in
In a flash, I had seen our wedding! Whoever was that competitor, I had
determined to play the “Game of Hearts” and win my woman! I had lost
to them before but not anymore. What an honourable thing it would be, to defeat
the incumbent and become the oga at the top? I had seen our wedding, my white
suit, her gown specially ordered from France. It was a destination wedding,
with dope pictures ready to paint our social media wall for the next year!
Still reminiscing the moments in my imagination I was brought back by her
words. I didn’t hear what she said but it sure didn’t sound nice… I was not
sure what it was but she needed to say it again. “Could you say that
again?” I tasked her and she wore that killing smile to repeat those
“I have been thinking if you could be my husband’s best man on our
wedding day! I’ve been looking at you for a while and I convinced him before
The moment went dead, those fantasies disappeared, the head went black
and I looked around, looked at her again asking with a tone that showed
confusion “you mean me?”
“Sure! You’ll like him… He loves you already and he is an ardent reader
of your dailies…” She was still smiling.
Wait a minute! Was it her plan to kill me before my time? I said
nothing, I held myself like that baby who hit his head on the floor but wants
to pretend he is a man. With hurried steps, I was back to my office sweating
profusely in a room fortified with air-conditioner. My tie was already out of
my neck, I was unbuttoning my shirt when Ike walked in
“George, are you okay?” he asked with very concerned looks “why are you
“Am I undressing?” I looked at myself, I was really
undressing and I never realized it “You know what Ike? I need to go home,
tell your boss I am not feeling strong…” Ike kept staring at me as I took
my briefcase, took my tie and started walking out of office. He was still
staring at me as though I am a new result of human evolution. Maybe he didn’t
understand, I turned back and said to him “Ike, you may never know how it feels
to lose the GAME OF HEARTS.”
4 years later, Ike is still confused, mama is still calling and I am
Success! You're on the list.
Whoops! There was an error and we couldn't process your subscription. Please reload the page and try again.
I alighted from the bus and stood at the
junction wondering if I should board a bike home or just trek. I have been on
budget and trekking would save cost but I was also tired. When I remembered I
had spent the previous night struggling to survive the thirst for water which I
had run out from, strength came from nowhere, I determined to trek, using the
money I could have paid the bike man for a packet of sachet water. I had other
reasons to walk anyway; it helps us keep fit especially when we don’t usually
exercise in the morning. You know, when people are on a serious budget, they
start telling you how unhealthy meat and drinks are or how unchristian Christmas
and other holidays are.
After thirty minutes of walk, I had gotten very
close to my apartment when one of my neighbours walked past with a young fair
beautiful tall girl who lived few meters away from our apartment and I
overheard them discussing
“You know I love you right?” the young boy said with his aura reeking of marijuana.
“Yea I do,” the girl said and in my imagination, I saw her smile “and I love you too…” their voice had gone faintly as they walked farther down. I smiled and kept walking.
Each time I retire to my house after all the
busyness of the day, there is usually this peace I feel! My house isn’t well
furnished but my bed is one of my favourite places after a hectic day and then
my desk is the next favourite place after a short rest. Like my new custom is,
I’d come into the house, drop my bag and dash to the bathroom for some shower;
I walked into the bathroom and remembered the last moment I had with my
previous soap. I had used the soap until it got so tiny that I had to press it
into my hair, make my hair foam and use whatever comes out of my hair for the
rest of my body. “Poor soap” I sighed and went back to the room,
picked up the money and dashed out to a nearby kiosk to get myself a new soap
and use the opportunity to get a packet of drinking water too.
On stepping out of the house, the electric
indicator sounded and smiles beamed on my face as though I’ve found something
more than gold. It was electricity. We pay huge amount of money monthly for
this and we only get six hours of electricity out of twenty-four hours every
day, we have gotten so used to celebrating the incompetence of the power sector
as long as we see the bulb shine for few hours. If not for anything, it was a
very cold evening and a hot bath should not be bad after all.
I got outside again, nothing much has
changed. The sun was down already, blue sky, moist atmosphere, calm environment
with the slightly wet sands sticking against the scandals and pulling off at
each raise. Getting to the kiosk, I saw my neighbour who had seen a girl off
previously and this time he was at a corner with another neighbour who doubles
as his friend and partner in crime. He was standing, left leg on the earth and
the right leg raised on a small rock while his friend stood opposite him at
akimbo with excitement written all over his face. They were discussing, I
wasn’t paying attention, I was busy trying to make my choice of soap since I
couldn’t afford my preferred soap at that moment.
Oh well, I had picked up the soap I wanted while the little girl had gone into the major store to get me a packet of water. My eyes were fixed on their little dog who was having the best of his time, scratching his bag with one of his legs “poor dog” I smiled “what does he know?” I sighed. Suddenly it seemed like the wave brought a word across my ears, it was those guys still discussing. Maybe they increased the volume of their voices out of excitement as they were laughing now with the other guy exclaiming “Chai! You are the man!” You know me and my tendencies, anytime I hear stuff like that, I pay attention. They had succeeded in distracting me from the dog, my eyes were still fixed on the dog but my ear and mind have gone to be in their midst. I was getting the whole gist now.
Please, don’t judge me, I didn’t eavesdrop,
they were just loud without even realizing it.
“The girl cannot even cook!” The one I had met previously said. Let’s call him Ken and let’s call the other one Nek. How about that? Sounds cool? I don’t know if that name exists anywhere though.
“Which of them? Is it the average one? That came in the morning?” Nek asked, his excitement was so audible
“No! I mean the one that just left this evening. The slim one nah…” Ken laughed and continued “you can imagine the noodles she prepared for me; it got burnt while she was carried away in playing with my ears.”
“Hahahaha… These girls eeh, they will be carrying their ass around but there is nothing in them.” Nek responded. I was feeling bad already.
“The only thing is that she is very good in bed and I like how she moans when I give it to her…” Ken bragged. Oh God! I wish I had the audacity to be a bully and get away with it; he would have had a taste of my fist. Well, what was my business? Nothing! By this time, the little girl had given me the packet of water; I allowed it to rest between my legs and stood there for a while to get a little more of the gist.
“O boy eee!” Nek screamed, I heard their hands clap together meaning Nek had given him an award of a handshake as the player of the day maybe.
Ken continued “But the other one, she just knows how to clean the house. Guy, the way she arranges the house eeh, na die be that!” He paused and continued “what is my own? When they visit, I satisfy myself…. Do they have sense?”
I didn’t feel good about this; I picked the packet of water and started walking home. I walked past them and they hailed me “Baba! How far nah…” and I forced a smile with a response in Pidgin English “I dey o”
Well, for the rest of that evening, I was
thinking about all of that. I didn’t go straight to the bathroom, I walked to
my desk and sat down to let it all sink. The young lady I met with him
previously lives very close with her parents and the other ladies might also
probably live around. What exactly is wrong with these ladies? In their mind,
they have a potential husband and each one of them is doing everything possible
to present themselves as the wife-material even if it means opening up for sex
while the young man is just having fun, wasting their time and making them
subjects of public discourse.
Visiting a man, cleaning his house, washing
his clothes and cooking his meals just to win him over to propose and marry you
is just messy! Young girls should stop messing themselves up all in the pursuit
of keeping a relationship. If only you know what these guys discuss behind your
back, shame may never allow you to cross that gate again. If you have to do all
of those to be a wife, then you obviously have low self-esteem and you don’t
know your worth!
Many ladies are made to believe that once
they can cook and do all manner of things for the man, they will cage him to
themselves but that is far from the truth. With all of those sexual and kitchen
skills, if he has no value for you, he will not develop those values overnight!
Even if he ends up getting married to you, he still doesn’t have enough value
for you. Wake up and stop messing yourself up! He wants you to prove your love
by coming around, doing his dishes and laundries? When you make any mistake he
takes your case to his friends and they laugh about you and discuss you as
someone who is light brained.
Many young guys are just playing and having
what they feel is the best of their time while some young girls are out there
looking for Mr Right. Mr Player comes around in the pretence of being Mr Right
and the young girl falls for a player. After she has been messed up, the cycle
continues. Does this offend you? That is my desire! If the girls in this story
look like you or you look like them, it is a pity and you might be making the
top list on the “Most Senseless Girls of the Century.”
I have written. Come and beat me.
Bye… Pen drops.
Success! You're on the list.
Whoops! There was an error and we couldn't process your subscription. Please reload the page and try again.
It was an answer I was afraid to get but I knew that was the answer. Having seen how things were going, I knew it was the end to the beautiful relationship I shared with her. I knew this many months ago but I just couldn’t let go, I wanted to try harder and see if it would be possible. I know it was possible but maybe she only didn’t admit on time that her mind was made up.
The more I spent time with her trying to make it work, the harder it became to let go even when it was continually hurting me. A lot of things kept making it difficult for me to make a decision, I loved her so much, my parents loved her, my siblings loved her, her mum loved me and her siblings loved me. Even our friends loved us together… But only the two of us knew what was going on between us. There was a distance even when we were so close.
In these months, I kept investing my time, my resources and just everything left in me. Sometimes it’d seem to work and sometimes it’d seem to get sour in just one minute. Even while we had very good times, while we took ourselves around our own world, while I looked into her eyes and told her how much I loved her and wanted to spend the rest of my life with her, I was scared, I wasn’t feeling secure in that relationship because she wasn’t reciprocating those things I was telling her. When we talked about our kids, it seemed we aren’t seeing ourselves in the character of people who would make babies together. She would feel comfortable telling me she’d come to my own wedding invited or not. Yet, I was hiding my fears because I didn’t want her to start feeling I don’t trust her.
Well, it started getting worse! The red flags were too obvious to be ignored and it was something that could be fixed effortlessly if we both were working towards same goal. Our communication was getting bad and scarce by the day. I’d still ask after her needs, spend the last dime to meet them. I’d still spend time with her as much as she wanted it. I knew I really made sacrifices, I didn’t need anyone to confirm that for me, I thought my sacrifices would make meaning but at a time my sacrifices started becoming normal, there was no excitement anymore and she’d just say “thanks” but it would sound empty. Not that she was ungrateful, I know I outdid everything, I did some to know if I’d still get back the woman I used to know, I did some to pass a message across that I could do anything just for her. My calls became boring and none of my love texts got replied. Somehow, I didn’t want to blame her because she had never been a wonderfully romantic person but with the long time we had spent together I expected more.
I fought this battle of love physically, I fought it spiritually but my fears kept growing by the day with what I was sensing. I wouldn’t say she was unfaithful to me, I know she was so fond of me at first, I know she was fond of everything about me at first! Maybe it was just infatuation or maybe am yet to understand what went on. All I knew was that with time I started feeling a distance, I was far from her plans, far from just everything except her needs which I was the one forcing myself into. We’d always have issues rising as a result of not giving me a sense of security in our relationship. I stopped receiving assurances of her commitment long ago and anytime I ask she’d just say “let’s be going first…”
I didn’t know why I couldn’t let go for such a long time and most times I’d want to leave, she’d give me reasons to get back and cling to her. She liked me as a friend but wasn’t sure about me as a husband. But just one day, I thought about it and I had to encourage myself. I had spent a lot of things, resources big enough to set things right for myself. I had given my time and even sacrificed a lot of dreams for her sake. I knew I was loosing it, I knew I was getting deeper into the abyss of the unknown but I couldn’t let go. Was it my temperament? I was a die hard loyalist.
With all these in consideration, I decided to let loose my fears and speak up! I remember how it started coming to an end. While I was making yet another major sacrifice, forsaking serious issues concerning my own self, my heart was telling me “it’s all coming to an end”. I wasn’t the only one who made sacrifices, she played her own part though, she did the best she could do but maybe some how, one would always seem to love more than the other. I happened to be the most crazy one. She cared at her own capacity.
That night, I called her and told her I wasn’t comfortable with our communication, I complained with pains in my heart as regards how it seemed she was beginning to avoid my calls and it escalated! I had to demand for her sincere answer towards what she wanted, I had always done that and she’d give me unclear answers but there was something about how I requested it this time. I sounded like I wasn’t afraid of what her answers would be, it had always seem I needed her more than she needed me but I had to bring all the drama to an end. It was either we part ways or we show greater amount of commitment to each other. I was determined to let go this time but I was afraid of it and left for me I wanted her to assure me it was still me she wanted.
It took her time to answer me. While I waited for her response she’d call to check on me and that alone was enough to want her more and more but I pressured to know what she wanted. I pressured to know her stand because I am aware that wanting to be my wife yesterday doesn’t mean she would want to be my wife today.
That faithful night, I was in a meeting when my phone beeped. It was her message and she wrote “the truth is, I don’t see this working out.. let’s just maintain our relationship on friendship…” It sounded like a better option because it would seem I was not loosing her entirely but that was the last thing I wanted to hear. For me, it was a more polite way to tell me it’s over. I started feeling sick immediately, the doctor had warned me to stop thinking, he had warned me how over thinking affects my health especially after the diagnosis I had.
I excused myself from the meeting, entered the toilet, cried my eyes out for several minutes with the door locked behind me. I wiped my face, washed it, wiped it again and came out smiling after few minutes prayer of thanksgiving to God.
Behind my smile was a heart full of hurt, behind my glow was a painful blow but I needed to be strong. I had always wanted her, I had always loved her and haven’t stopped. But I know I’ll get over her with time. No one knew what went wrong, I still laughed around and even took selfies but on my way home it kept haunting me though. I got the answers anyway, it was an answer I was afraid to get but I knew that was the answer.
Now that it is over, I know there is something better, I know there is someone who will appreciate me better and join hands with me to build and I’ll wait till I find her. I am not afraid to love again. I have closed this chapter of my life and I am turning the next page to write a new story. Welcome to the new me.
Okay, over to you…
Are you in a relationship with someone who isn’t bold about their convictions to spend the rest of their lives with you? Are you spending time and resources on someone you aren’t sure about? Someone who from the onset couldn’t give you a straight answer of what they want from you… I have one word for you… Walk away now or tell your painful story later. Please stop assuming, stop thinking it may work out somehow, when convictions are questionable, breakup is inevitable. Don’t let anyone use you as a backup plan. You deserve more.