​YOU WILL REGRET NOT SAYING “YES” TO ME…


Just shut up!
How dare you use such words?
Wait a minute!
Who do you think you are? Jehovah Jireh?

I have come across many exceptional egocentric persons who think that they are actually the ones giving you a privilege by accepting or requesting to be in a relationship with you and eventually want to marry you. When you eventually give in to them hoping to see someone who has a refined personality, you discover that behind the suit lies a man or woman who needs so much help. Their problem is not that they need help, we all need help, but their problem is that they don’t agree that they need help, they see their weaknesses as no issue and see you as someone they are just helping. Excuse me; it’s not everyone that is moved by that ‘public figure’ or ‘celebrity’ status!

Let me buttress my point.
A relationship is not about a person, a relationship is constructed on purpose and that purpose cannot be achieved when one person feels more relevant than the other. Both parties in a relationship are privileged to meet each other and establish a relationship. People who make you feel like they are just helping you by marrying you are just very terrible people. Behind their suit, celebrity status and all those entourage that follows them, they are struggling with pressing issues and may need someone who tolerates their undisciplined habits. They may need someone who can help work on them.

However, because of their ego, they wouldn’t want to acknowledge that they have a problem. This was the very problem Jesus had with the Pharisees and other elites of Judaism. They knew they had issues but they never wanted to open up, if they had opened up. Doctors don’t come for healthy people, they go for people who have a problem and admit it. Your ego will always reject help.

This is why certain ladies undergo several waves of abuse in the hands of their partner and they still stick to him, not because this is what they want but because they feel that they have gone too far to back off, they think their life is now tied to the hands of the man. Some of us go around creating an impression that we are very perfect people in the flesh, and we don’t want to admit that meeting someone who wants to manage our flaws is a privilege and we go ahead to make very stupid remarks like “you will regret not marrying me”. When I hear people say that, I want to walk up to them from the back, tap them gently and ask them “and who do you think you are?”

Little wonders proud people always fail!
It takes humility to appreciate someone who has chosen to be with us. It doesn’t matter how good, romantic and understanding we think we are, we are not the one doing someone a favour by marrying or being in a relationship with them, we need them as much as they need us. They can help us become even better and we can help them in our way too.

Adam never knew he needed a helpmeet, Adam never complained to God because he never had an early orientation of being in the company of someone before and he never wanted it because he never knew about it. But, when God brought the woman to him, he didn’t go about saying “you can’t do without me…”, he rather admitted that “this is the woman I need!”.

I just hate that arrogance!
When we go about treating people as though they are nothing without us, we have proven that we cannot be trusted. It means we are not looking for a relationship, we are just colonial masters and no one wants to be under a colonial master. This doesn’t mean we don’t appreciate ourselves… Oh, come on! I do that a lot! I tell myself that my wife and kids will be blessed to have me and I look at myself in the mirror and tell myself “George you are good, God made you good” but I don’t come to someone and put it up to her saying “if you do not yield to me… You are gone!” if we act that way, we are not different from those men who rape women for saying “no” to them. It shows we are just being obsessed with our selves that we cannot appreciate another person. If you can’t appreciate someone, there is no point being in a relationship with them, you don’t need it!

You’re damn good!
I don’t mean that we should stop seeing our importance or we stop appreciating ourselves. If we can’t appreciate ourselves and see ourselves as people who are worthy of someone’s love, we may start living in self-pity. When we lose confidence in ourselves, we may not able to give our best. What I am kicking against is when we start magnifying our personality over another person and start seeing ourselves as the only important person in a relationship, it makes us bossy, selfish and very annoying. Our partner’s decisions may not even matter to us anymore because we feel our words are the final say. That is what you get when you are in a relationship where one person thinks you are only privileged to meet him or her. No, we are privileged to meet ourselves.

What many people cover up with such useless ego are their terrible past and present. Some of them have a very terrible lifestyle that you may not know about, they suffer from lots of addiction and they are truly feeling very inferior about themselves just that they try to protect their weaknesses and magnify themselves over you in a bid to measure up and have you respect them. They feel once they open up to you they lose their ‘superior image’. Anyone who acts this way is very difficult to change because they know they have a problem but they are just never going to admit, they will employ all manner of tactics to cover it until you are entirely trapped into their lives. And they are toxic people!

If you fall into this category of persons, you may need to help yourself by admitting that you need help. Many public figures have issues; they hide the devils in them inside their designers wears. Don’t be caught in the web of illusions, it will not always last long and when it ends, it damages all the integrity you have falsely built. Being honest about yourself brings you more respect than you can ever imagine.

Being sincere with who you are do not scare people away, it makes them love you the more and even trust you. If someone can be free enough to share her ugly past or weaknesses to me, then I will always trust that she will be very open and sincere as we work something out. We are there to help, build, cherish and respect ourselves after all.

Defeat that ego!
It’s time to give up on your ego; you may not like yourself when things turn against you and it will turn against you if you keep living that way. No wonder the bible says that pride goes before a fall! Pride will make you keep building on the mountains of lies, lies don’t last forever.

The relationship isn’t just an affair, it is a responsibility. If you are in a relationship, then it is time to be very responsible, it is time to work on yourself and your partner. Let me tell you what a sweet relationship looks like: when you can look into your partner’s eyes and say “I understand… We will fight together and win together” and your partner can do the same to you, it is a sweet relationship.

Kill that pride…
In relationships, we’re babies that grow every day.
Darling, you need me and I need you much more!
God bless you!

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LOVE IS LABOUR, NOT PLEASURE


Again and again, I habitually sit back to ponder on certain things, I try to look from varying perspectives to gain better insight and know better. I was reflecting on that word “love” again and a Bible verse stroke a chord in my heart. It made the distinction! I’d like the words of Jesus to re-echo in our hearts; He said

“So now I am giving you a new commandment: Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other. Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples.” – John 13:34-35

When we love, people will know that we are His disciples. You must understand that being a disciple means being a learner and this connotes that when we love, people will know that we are learning of Christ. This means that love is the only way to truly be Christ-like in a practical sense. Love is the only way to show Jesus.

When we discuss love, we aren’t talking about what a boy feels for a girl, we aren’t talking about the gifts a boy buys for a girl because of how he feels. We also aren’t talking about the feeling a girl has for a boy as a compensation for all the gifts she has been receiving. Love exceeds all of those. The Bible says that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. This is what love means! Love covers a multitude of offence, love doesn’t fade away because we couldn’t get what we want! Love is that ability to be wronged, offended and even despised but still choose to admire, respect and stand for the offender. It is in this interest that the Bible says “love is the greatest…” (1 Corinthians 13:13)

Many times, we want to feel that it is impracticable to love and while I admit that it is not natural to the flesh to live like Christ, we can truly love like Him because the nature of Christ has been made available in our Spirit and we can superimpose Christ’s nature of love on our mind by learning of Him every day and functioning in the reality of what we learn of Him. Jesus wasn’t suggesting that we love, He wasn’t advising us to love, and He wasn’t trying to inspire us or motivate us to love! He rather charged us and gave us a command to love one and another. He didn’t just leave us with a command, He also empowered us to be able to live up to it if we so desire it. However, it isn’t negotiable; it is a way of life that we must follow.

In light of this truth, we see something astounding. Love isn’t a choice, it is not an advice or an appeal; it is a commandment from our Lord, Jesus Christ. This is how He expects us to live, His love was made complete in us (1 John 4:12) so that we can give out to others in full measure. The problem is that a lot of us are too carnal that we are afraid to exercise our Spiritual qualities. The only way to express a better understanding of God is not to preach but to love! Love should be the reason why we teach, preach and reach out to people. We can’t prove we know God if we do not walk in genuine love. The Bible says in 1 John 4:8

“Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love.”

The knowledge of God in us propels us to bear good fruits. What serves as fruit in us is our character and our attitudes towards others. The fruit of the Spirit isn’t something we wait for the Holy Spirit to gift to us. As believers, we have a regenerated spirit, our spirit is perfect (1 Peter 1:23) and our spirit is bearing good fruits. The Bible says in Galatians 5:22-23

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things, there is no law.”

Love is one of the fruits of the Spirit, all other fruits are also made possible by love. The fruit of the Spirit isn’t the fruit of the Holy Spirit in the context of that reference, it is the fruit of our born again Spirit. The bible says that we should walk in the Spirit, it didn’t say we should pray for the ability because as believers we already possess the ability to walk in the Spirit.

If we wouldn’t be able to walk in the Spirit, we wouldn’t have been instructed to do so. To walk in the Spirit means to live out in our flesh the fruits of our Spirit. Jesus said that we are known by our fruits (Matthew 7:16) and He said people will know that we are His disciples if we love. Note this please, He didn’t say people will know we are His disciples if we preach for it is by evidence that people are convinced about our identity. Let’s see that verse briefly,

“So now I am giving you a new commandment: Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples.” – John 13:34-35

The reason Jesus commanded us to love each other just the same way He has loved us is that this is the only way to prove our identity to the world. Technically, when we don’t love just like Jesus, we are living out a mistaken identity. Jesus didn’t just ask us to love, He asked us to love just as we have been loved by Him. We don’t just love, we love like Jesus. It is not a suggestion but a commandment.

Commandment despises reasons; it entertains no respect for any kind of excuse. When you are in the army, you are obliged to obey the last order! The last order might be to open fire, it might be to slap your brother as a sign of discipline and because you are accountable to the senior officer, you must obey the last order. In the same fashion, Jesus, who is our Lord, saviour and owner have given us an instruction, a command and the greatest of it all at that. He said, “love one and another!” We don’t have a choice but to love, we don’t need any reason to love and we don’t have to feel like it, to love.

Love in this context is simply “love!” We don’t need to start defining any Greek theory! I said earlier that the kind of love Christ necessitates from us is that which respects, admire and care for others even when they are our enemies. It may seem ridiculous and cowardice but this is the kind of love God demands from us. It doesn’t mean that we see gangsters and lay our heads for them. It rather means that even when we have to seek for legal protections from wicked people, we are still concerned about them and groaning for them in prayers. We must never let our flesh proceed to rule our mind perpetually. We can learn to forgive people and let go of the hurt. Love can’t function without a forgiving heart.

Unfortunately, we talk about love so much but end up doing little. Our love for others is manifested first of all in our desire and passion to see them saved but it also continues being expressed in caring for others, in protecting the vulnerable, in assisting the needy and in seeing people just like Jesus would see them. The same way a woman in labour has no other choice than to push, we are compelled to love! Some women keep pushing out the baby and even die in the process but notwithstanding of what happens to them, they had to push, they’ve got no reason not to! Even if pushing would be impossible, they must still undergo surgical operation; this is because they have no option than to deliver that baby! It doesn’t matter the pain, you’ve still got to love.

The weakness of love is stronger than all the powers of hate in this world put together. The power of love is intoxicating to the point that when you show any man, genuine love, God Himself is triggered! I like to think that how to move God is to love, how to call for God’s attention is to love. I may not sound theologically accurate to some people here but it is true; our love for others triggers God’s attention. When you love others and show it, God is likely to say “wow! Someone just loved on me now.” Jesus made this very clear in Matthew 25:40, we saw that how to love God is to love the men God made in His image.

God has made Himself the primary beneficiary of our love to others. Love is a labour, it is not a pleasure. God wants us to labour this way, He regards us as faithful servants when we love others. Jesus didn’t say we should love people who love us, He didn’t say we should appreciate good deeds with love, He didn’t say we should love people we are attracted to. He rather commanded us to love even the least person. The smallest and insignificant person doesn’t suggest the least person in Church, God’s kingdom extends to the earth because the sphere of God’s authority is without defect. Who is the most unimportant person in your life? Who is that enemy that you have sworn to have nothing to do with? Who is that person that has so wronged you that you never want to set your eyes on them again? That is where love should begin!

As much as your child did nothing to obtain your love, this is how others should be loved. There shouldn’t be any such thing as hate at first sight. Whether they look mean, angry and unattractive, always find a means to show love. If your child destroys your certificate and valuable appliances, you may get so angry but in the end, he or she is still your child and you don’t keep being angry with them. This is also how we should treat others. The same way you believe that your child will grow out of being childish, you should also give other people that benefit of the doubt, they can grow out of their hate when they learn how to love from you! When there is a need to discipline people, love should still be the motivation! Channel your desire towards how you can make the other person better!

It is very easy to say that we can handle every offence; it is very easy to say that we can’t get bitter until we are hurt and betrayed by someone we’ve so much trusted. It is easy to say that we can love unconditionally until the person we thought we love turns against us. If love should rule above offence, then we are to labour for it. Judas betrayed Jesus but Jesus didn’t come back talking about it, the same happened with Peter. It was painful but love despises reasons. We will not always get it perfectly right but we can always try, we can always come out of hate when we remember that this isn’t where we are supposed to be. I will summarize with this story.

A man noticed a snake ensnared in something while the fire in a nearby burning bush was expanding towards the place the snake was trapped. Out of compassion the man picked the snake off its trap and started hiking down towards another part of the bush to put it to safety. The snake bit the man who out of pain threw it down immediately but quickly picked it up again and threw it to the other side of the bush. A young girl who was observing him asked: “why did you help that snake even after it bit you?” The man grinned and said “the snake will always be a snake and I will always be me. The snake won’t allow your kindness to change its nature; it is simply exhibiting its nature. In the same manner, I won’t allow the aggressiveness of the snake to change my nature that is why I still had to help even when it treated me badly.”

To love is not to see danger and fix your head in it. To love is to care for another person even when he or she is isolated for your safety. Never forget, love seeks for reconciliation, love is compassionate about getting others saved and love is revealed in care. People may hurt you while loving them but what do you do? Love again! Why? Because we are obeying the last order!

This is our last order, to love!

~ George O.N

PODCAST: YOUR SCARS | Your Defining Moment


Sometimes, we look back at our scars and we murmur in regrets. Some scars heal and some never get to heal but these scars are meant to be treasures just that we do not notice this on time.

In this fresh and inspiring release based on our previous article, we discussed why you should treasure your scars and how amazing those scars you despise would be. In simple words and with clarity, this will not just appeal to your heart, it will bring healing to those long moments of regrets that you have nursed for a long time.

Listen & Download the MP3 Audio for free!

WHAT IS KNOWLEDGE, UNDERSTANDING AND WISDOM?


What is knowledge, understanding and wisdom?

When I was little, I would come across certain quotes titled “Quotes from wise men” and I was always left to wonder why these men were called wise! It was difficult for me to really understand why they were called wise and till date, I still feel the criteria with which we measure wisdom is flawed. When we understand what wisdom is, it may also change how we rate it. Sounding wise doesn’t mean we are wise. I would like to also present my perspective of what wisdom is and how it also relates to knowledge and understanding.

On many occasions, people have called us wise because we know just so much and sometimes we have also allowed ourselves to get swayed on the premise of what some people say about us. Oh well, when they come close, they realize that there is more to wisdom than being and sounding knowledgeable. Knowing so much doesn’t equate to being wise. The Bible says in Proverbs 4:7

“The beginning of wisdom is this: Get wisdom. Though it cost all you have, get understanding.”

“Knowing so much doesn’t equate to being wise.”

  • WHAT IS KNOWLEDGE?

Knowledge is not wisdom, people tend to use both words interchangeably and being knowledgeable doesn’t also mean that one is understandable. Knowledge is the information and facts that we have acquired through our various experiences or other diverse channels of education. To be educated doesn’t mean to be wise or understandable, it simply means to be aware and in possession of certain information. We hear people say that knowledge is power, it doesn’t indicate that possessing knowledge means being powerful. When we know, it means that power is available to us but knowing isn’t enough to wield power! This is why we must understand other aspects that include wisdom and understanding.

“To be educated doesn’t mean to be wise or understandable, it simply means to be aware and in possession of certain information.”

  • WHAT IS UNDERSTANDING?

Understanding is what bridges wisdom and knowledge. Some people believe that wisdom bridges knowledge and understanding but I think otherwise. To understand means to discern, it is the ability to filter knowledge and make it ready for application where relevant. Knowledge is power but when we don’t know how and where to apply this power, we may remain failures. Nigerian police cannot function in America as police and therefore can’t board a flight, get to America and start making an arrest! He is a police, the awareness of being police is knowledge but discerning where to function and how to function is understanding. We can say that someone is understanding when he or she displays a sense of good judgment based on the knowledge they possess.

In the court of law, you may know a certain case and also know the constitution but you may not understand how and where each law applies but a lawyer knows this and knows where exactly to apply certain laws and where it would be wrong to also apply certain laws. This is understanding. To know what the book says doesn’t indicate you have common sense as common sense is expressed when you discern where and how the sayings of that book become applicable.

While knowledge would be about acquiring knowledge, understanding is the processing of that knowledge.

“Knowledge is power but when we don’t know how and where to apply this power, we may remain failures.”

  • WHAT IS WISDOM?

In a very simply word, we would say knowledge is a raw material, understanding is the processed material and wisdom is the usage of the refined product. Knowledge is like the unattractive raw unprocessed gold! Understanding is like the processing of gold and wisdom is the finished product that can be seen, used and appreciated. The Bible calls wisdom “the principal thing”, which means the most important or the first among other important things! Without wisdom, knowledge cannot be properly applied.

Wisdom is the active practical display of both knowledge and understanding. It doesn’t just have to do with speaking, it also has to do with showing knowledge and common sense. Wisdom doesn’t work independently of understanding because it is discernment that leads to the correct application of knowledge. I believe we now understand what knowledge, understanding and wisdom are. We can now know how to put these definitions into our everyday use but I will digress a little and get more spiritual.

There is the wisdom of men and there is the wisdom of God. I believe in God because even common sense suggests to me that someone is behind the formation of this earth, someone is behind our intelligence. All of the complex things about this earth, us and animals just didn’t happen by accident! It couldn’t have been as a result of a big bang! There could have been more.

Now, if I believe in God who made us, I should also be able to believe that He is wise and His wisdom surpasses that of mere men. The Bible has been the only information that has brought the understanding of God to me in a way that I feel God personally. I have also had some personal experiences with God in Jesus Christ and therefore I believe the Bible and I believe the truth contained therein.

“Knowledge is like the unattractive raw unprocessed gold! Understanding is like the processing of gold and wisdom is the finished product that can be seen, used and appreciated.”

MEN AND GOD’S WISDOM

It is not wrong to be humanly wise, it is not wrong to be humanly intelligent but our wisdom can’t be trusted and therefore depending on it is wrong. The wisdom of men flows with the negativity and flawed perceptions of this world. The world is full of greed, envy, anger, immoralities and so on, it is driven by self. People can still gather knowledge on how to be powerful on earth to suppress the opposition, they can understand the whole concept and apply it in real life! The Bible refers to this kind of wisdom as men’s wisdom. The wisdom of men is selfish, wicked, arrogant and full of lust. The Bible says in James 3:15-16

“For jealousy and selfishness are not God’s kind of wisdom. Such things are earthly, unspiritual, and demonic. For wherever there are jealousy and selfish ambition, there you will find disorder and evil of every kind.”

Men use their wisdom to satisfy their lust for power, fame and material things but the Bible calls it earthly, carnal and demonic! The reason why the Bible says it is demonic is that God gave man intelligence and the ability to develop it and become wise but after the fall, man became influenced by the demonic forces. Today, some men use their wisdom to traffic women and the girl child but still never get caught! Some men use their wisdom to traffic harmful substances and human parts and never get caught! People use their wisdom to develop dangerous weapons of war! They know their way around what they do and they know what to do to escape certain justice, yet it is said that they are wise. This is the flaws of men’s wisdom.

“Men use their wisdom to satisfy their lust for power, fame and material things but the Bible calls it earthly, carnal and demonic!”

But there is also God’s wisdom or Godly wisdom, this is the wisdom of God Himself or the wisdom that is based on the knowledge, understanding and love of and for God. For instance, one of the clear indications that wisdom is godly is when it is founded on love. The Bible says in James 3:17

“But the wisdom from above is first of all pure. It is also peace-loving, gentle at all times, and willing to yield to others. It is full of mercy and the fruit of good deeds. It shows no favouritism and is always sincere.”

Godly wisdom is crowned with love, it functions within the boundaries of peace and is expressed in humility and respect for others. Because Godly wisdom flows with humility, love and peace, the world always sees it as foolishness or cowardice. Where men’s wisdom would want to fight, Godly wisdom would be calm and calculated. The Bible says in 1 Corinthians 1:25

“This foolish plan of God is wiser than the wisest of human plans, and God’s weakness is stronger than the greatest of human strength.”

It is very obvious that love is stronger than hate, peace is stronger than war and humility is stronger than pride. It takes great strength to be powerful and yet humble, to be agitated in the mind and yet remain calm, to be offended and yet remain loving! Natural minds will not understand this, they will not understand the strength of being calm in the midst of the noise. The least of God’s wisdom is greater than the much of men’s wisdom.

Because God’s word reveals the mind of Christ through Jesus, we can learn from God’s wisdom through His word. We can become wise in God’s way, we were never created to be foolish, God wants us to truly be like him. Like I said earlier, the fall of man also affected man’s wisdom, it changed everything! However, we can rediscover God’s wisdom and realign ourselves to perform with His wisdom.

“Godly wisdom is crowned with love, it functions within the boundaries of peace and is expressed in humility and respect for others.”

In our next article, we will be seeing how to walk in godly wisdom.

Blessings.

~ George O.N

SEVEN WAYS TO MANAGE YOUR ANGER


We all get to that point where we seem to have been caught off guard. Anger isn’t a new thing to virtually anyone, it is not something you are taught in school but a part of your makeup. Anger is very normal and to some extent very healthy and part of your emotions. Since anger belongs to you, it shouldn’t decide what you do, it should be under your own feet, you should be the one who controls how you express it. What you don’t control may turn around to control you and when anger begins to control you it becomes cancerous, it can damage you, your relationships and things that are very important to you. If you are looking for a way to manage your anger, it is probably because you are aware that anger isn’t giving you the best of what you want. Although you may be enticed to use what you have, you can also decide not to use it when it is not truly going to be helpful.

In today’s post, we aren’t going to be discouraging you from expressing anger because it can become a whole lot of bigger problems but we will give you helpful tips on how to manage your anger and express it in a very healthy way. Paul wrote in Ephesians 4:26

“Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger.”

It is okay to get angry, it is something God built in us to respond to threats and sometimes even help us find a solution to something. But it is wrong when we let anger take control of us, that is where sin comes into place. Sometimes people let anger take control by staying angry all day. It is a choice, you can decide to let anger take control of you or to take control of your anger. Here are some simple tips on how to manage your anger.

1. DON’T SPEAK BEFORE COGITATION

You are bound to say things you will regret in the future if you speak out of anger without thinking. Although when people’s actions stir up anger, we seem to want to act immediately, sagacity demands that we walk out of that situation for a time no matter what we are feeling and to think over it for another moment. Sometimes anger shapes our attitude and sometimes we see from a more helpful viewpoint after that anger is gone. When we decide to take a break and think, we are also offering other people involved with the corresponding opportunity to think before saying anything. The Bible rightly says in Proverbs 14:17 “People with a hot temper do foolish things; wiser people remain calm”

2. DON’T FEIGN PLEASURE

When you have really thought about it, express your anger in a controlled way. Don’t try wrapping up your anger in religious covers or because you want to appear more mature. The worst things to do about your anger is to hide it, don’t believe such half-baked truth that Christians can’t get angry. Anyone can be angry and God created those emotions in each and every one of us. Sometimes, anger serves a good purpose, it pushes us into taking actions concerning a situation that shouldn’t be there in the first place. If something makes you angry, then you’ve got something to deal with. Acknowledging your anger is truly a major way to start out with managing it because if we do not acknowledge it, we will not be able to manage it and it can graduate to rage, resentment not just towards a situation but towards other people. Hidden anger causes all manner of ailments including depression, disorders and even cancer! These things have been proven by various researches. The Bible says in Proverbs 14:30 A peaceful heart leads to a healthy body…”

3. DON’T OVER-SCRUTINIZE ISSUES

While it is okay to have a break and think about the actions you are about to take, you shouldn’t let your mind continue to journey back into that issue! You don’t have to keep examining and speculating over the wrongs meted out to you. In fact, the reason you have to think is that you want to take control of your anger and not because you want to give your anger rooms to truly express itself. The more you think about what they did and the punishment they deserve, you grow out of control. Truth is, you can control your thoughts as much as you can control your anger. This is why the Bible says in 2 Corinthians 10:5 that “we should bring every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ.” How do we bring it to obey Christ? Jesus said we should love one another and therefore our thoughts about any issue should gear towards love.

4. YOU CAN ACTUALLY FORGIVE!

The easiest way I put my anger under check is to forgive my offender, whether they are there or they had gone out of sight. My decision to forgive isn’t usually because I feel like doing so but because I know this is the right thing to do. Sometimes, forgiveness has usually made me appear like a coward. While you have thought about the right actions to take, expressing your anger in a very less aggressive way and wedged yourself from overthinking about it, it is time to forgive him or her. The Bible says in Colossians 3:13 Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” We can mitigate the emotional pain by truly forgiving people and doing it vocally. Sometimes it is also important to reach out to that person and say “I am truly very angry with you but right now I have chosen to forgive you.” It brings healing and peace to your heart and even when invalidating thoughts try popping up, your decision to forgive puts it under serious check. The Bible also says in Ephesians 4:31-32 Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. You have the ability to forgive and you have the strength to control your anger.

5. LOOK BEYOND THE ISSUE

Many times, we often get angry with people not because what they did was even worth the anger but because we have other internal issues we are dealing with. Now that you have chosen to control your anger, it is also important that you look beyond the issue to know if the early nagging of your wife or bully from your husband is what gets on your nerves. You may also have to check if it is your poor income or the annoying character of your kids that pushes you to the wall and make you want to pour your anger on someone else. Perhaps, you just got off the phone with your partner and she just told you it is over and you are going crazy! You may not be able to fix those internal issues but you can admit to yourself that anger won’t fix it either. Decide to start putting a limit to how it affects you and your relationship with other people. Let nobody suffer the consequences of other people’s offence even if they are friends with those people.

6. AVOID GETTING INTO ISSUES

There are times it is inevitable, there are times we must speak up and stand up for something right but there are times we can avoid anger and things that lead to anger. When we discern that a decent debate is intensifying into a heated quarrel, we should withdraw. When we suddenly discover that something is bothering someone so much that he or she reacts to other things angrily, we can control how we communicate with them. We know those issues that could probably get us angry and therefore we can avoid getting into them. It is better to give up on an argument and be called a coward than try to win and eventually get yourself angry even when you are saying the right thing. Don’t be too quick to force a truth down people’s throat, if they don’t believe you, they may believe someone else later. Only a patient teacher can teach slow learners and only patient teachers are great teachers!  The Bible says in 2 Timothy 2:23-25 But keep away from foolish and ignorant arguments; you know that they end up in quarrels. As the Lord’s servant, you must not quarrel. You must be kind toward all, a good and patient teacher, who is gentle as you correct your opponents, for it may be that God will give them the opportunity to repent and come to know the truth.”

7. CHANNEL YOUR ENERGY RIGHTLY

Finally, there are other things you can use your energy for rather than let it turn into stress! You have good energy and the same energy can become negative or positive. When you are angry, instead of rage and fume, find something else to do! You could enter the kitchen and go make some popcorn, you could decide to take a walk, read a funny book, watch a movie or even play around with your kids! If you have video games, you could get your hands on it. For people like me, you could even write your best seller when your emotions are boiling. Stress and depression would happen when you don’t release that anger-energy through other means. When I am not writing, I have some friends I know I could hang out with and forget I ever got angry. The moment you have released these energies, you may even still want to stay angry and discover you can’t because the energy for that has been released. If you got angry or you sensed you are getting angry during the day, put hands off that job and take a walk to the ice cream shop.

“Ice cream tastes better than anger, why not choose ice cream over anger? I prefer vanilla flavour or farm-fresh yoghurt alternative!”

– George Onyedikachukwu Nnadozie, 7 Ways to manage your anger

When it becomes a whole lot of challenge to control your anger, you may want to seek a professional help towards managing your anger. If you realize that you experience sudden episodes of impulsive, aggressive, violent behaviour or angry verbal outbursts that result to reactions that are negatively gross, it may be a sign of explosive disorder and you should seek help!

God bless you.

~ George O.N

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WHAT IF YOU HAD ONLY TODAY TO LIVE?


“Great men depart this earth as much as common men do. The only thing that lasts forever on earth is the footprints we have been able to leave behind.”

– George Onyedikachukwu Nnadozie

Today, Facebook threw back a memory that leaves me in tears. It was a memory of the mission I embarked on with a friend and colleague, Uchenna Maduka to Ndubia Igbagu, in Ebonyi State, Nigeria on 11th June 2016. It was a beautiful experience as we preached the gospel of Jesus in remote areas and also interacted with these villagers alongside an Anglican Pastor we had worked with. We had plans of repeating this mission but something terrible happened. On August 2016 as we were planning an annual convention, Uchenna had a fatal accident, had some brain damage and died afterwards at Nnewi Teaching Hospital on 17th August 2016. 

This memory is what inspired me to write this today.

What if God wakes you up early in the morning to whisper into your ears “today is your last day on earth. You’ve got only twenty-four hours to live.” How would you feel? Excited or sad? What would you do within those 24 hours?

Let me guess,

You would go to the best places you’ve never been to on earth, eat the foods you’ve never eaten before or meet those celebrities you’ve always wanted to meet. Or maybe, you’d realize those things aren’t important anymore. If you have only today to live, are you sure that you would be doing just what you are doing right now? I have taken time to think about this myself and I believe 24 hours is such a very short time to spend on adventures, it wouldn’t make any sense.

Maybe you will prefer to make peace with those who wronged you, you might not need their apologies again because you’d be willing to forgive even without apologies. You might want to write a cheque to the charity organizations, offering help to the less privileged and helping those neighbours who had needed your help all these while.

It is possible that you might want to spend that 24 hours walking around the streets, smiling at everyone who comes across you. You may want to call that stubborn son of yours whom you had given up on to say “my son, forgive me for giving up on you. You can still be the best for you.” I am sure at that moment, you’d realize that humility is awesome and your ego may be nowhere to be found. You may want to call your lawyer and ask him to cancel the divorce proceedings and you may want to spend your last moment with that spouse you suddenly never desired because you want to die a peaceful person.

I am sure you may truly have a sudden desire to make peace with every man or woman you have wronged, you may suddenly realize you were wrong at how you reacted to them and you may want to spend the next few hours making peace with them and asking for their forgiveness. You may suddenly become more compassionate and want to advise anyone who is taking it hard on life that it is not worth it. If you are rich, you may look at your wealth and nod in agreement with the popular opinion that says “all these things are vanity” as they will not follow you into the grave.

That morning, you may appreciate the sun or the cold weather, you may never complain about the heat of the sun or the cold of the snow. You may cherish them more now because you know your body is entering the grave in coming hours. This time, happiness may never be derived from people anymore as you may choose to be happy all by yourself knowing that you will be liberated from the busyness of this life. I am sure you would laugh at every joke, you would hug everyone regardless of their class, you’d pay attention to anyone who needs your advice and there must be something different about how you are living now and how you would live then.

So, why not live that way now? Why not make peace with all men now? Why not be more compassionate and offer helping hand in a profound way? Why not forgive those who wronged you now and also seek the forgiveness of those you wronged? The last days on earth often come unannounced, you may not be given such a luxury of 24 hours to start making peace and doing things differently, you may not be given that time to bring back that son you have given up on or that spouse you are about to divorce. There may be no time to give to the less privileged and mingle with people of low class.

At each tick of the clock, our time on earth reduces. Can you just look up at the clock? Can you notice how it ticks non-stop? Do you know that even if the battery of the clock goes bad, the time doesn’t stop? This is why you must fast forward the clock if you change the battery. The tick of the clock shouldn’t just remind you that you’ve got a date this evening or that you are supposed to be on the dining table. It should also remind you that life on earth continues to expire with time, it reduces at each tick. This means life gradually draws close to its end on earth at every tick. There will definitely be that one last tick and your Spirit is set free from your body and those things you left undone remains undone. That was last tick is unavoidable because we will not stay on this present earth forever.

Great men depart this earth as much as common men do. The only thing that lasts forever on earth is the footprints we have been able to leave behind. At some point, no one will remember you again except for the legacies to have set up.

Why not love now? Why not be happy now? Why not make peace now? Why not appreciate people now? Why not compliment people now? Why not tell people how much you love them now? You may just never have that time to do it tomorrow! Uchenna never had the time to say “goodbye”. Live every day as though it is your last days.

Make every moment count…

UNMASKING DEPRESSION | AVAILABLE IN KINDLE & PAPERBACK

HOW TO DEAL WITH TOXIC RELATIONSHIPS


HOW TO DEAL WITH TOXIC RELATIONSHIPS | George's Diary

To be in any form of a toxic relationship is one of the worst experiences in life and to save yourself from lifetime damage, you need to take actions against that toxic relationship of any form today. Dealing with it helps you regain your self-esteem and confidence. What is the need relating to people who can’t see anything good from you? People who consistently expose you to emotional trauma? Anyone could be toxic to you, it can be your boss in the office, your classmates, your spouse, your siblings or just anyone. To know if you are in a toxic relationship, read 7 INDICATIONS THAT YOU ARE IN A TOXIC RELATIONSHIP

We’ve put up a few tips on how you can deal with toxic relationships.

  1. Move away and move on
  2. Just move away and move on
  3. The goal is that you move away, so move far from them!

Okay, you were waiting to see a list of how to manage such people? You don’t need to manage them; you need to deliver yourself from such a relationship that will only drain the best of you. There is no point drinking poison when all you wanted was a healthy juice and you can have it.

Unfortunately, there are people we can’t entirely walk away from like our parents, siblings, employer, spouse and so on for some reasons best known to us but we can shield ourselves from their venom, we can break free from their subtle cage. But whatever it is, don’t try managing their toxicity, deal with it once and for all. These are what you can do.

1. Stop confiding in them.

Learn to handle things your own way without seeking their approval. Even if you must have to inform them, go ahead but never seek their ultimate opinion. When you stop seeking their opinion, you are beginning to reject their opinion of you.

2. Create a strong boundary.

You may have to remove them from your speed dial. Yes, you don’t need someone who has nothing for you as a friend. Limiting how you communicate with them also limits them from having opportunities to trick you into a meaningless submission and loyalty.

3. Do the positive things that make you happy.

Wear that gown you like, or use that makeup kit you’ve always admired that they discouraged you from using. Make new friends, visit those new places, go to movies alone, apply for that job and do those great things that make you happy and fulfilling. Don’t let anyone limit you just because your success will hurt their feelings.

UNMASKING DEPRESSION | New Book by George O.N

4. Stay apart.

In cases where you can’t break up with the person, then you just have to stay apart, at least for a long while. Toxic relationships usually lead to more severe abuse because when they can’t get you to do what they want in a subtle way, they force you physically. You may have to leave and stay where you can be in control. This is especially in cases of marriage. Don’t let anyone subject you to a life that doesn’t belong to you just because he or she pays the house rent or do some few things that aren’t worth the years or moments of emotional hurt you have been forced to pass through.

5. Stay strong.

Sometimes, taking actions against toxic relationships isn’t easy due to emotional attachments but you must be strong. You aren’t taking these measures because you hate him or her but you are protecting yourself from more hurt and emotional damage.

Toxic relationships can transcend into very severe abusive relationships, it can lead to depression and serious mental issues. Toxic relationships can damage your self-esteem and kill you gradually. If you must avoid someone who threatened to kill you, you must avoid someone who is killing you already. Toxic relationships are so deadly, it is the same thing as drinking poison and dying silently.

To know if you are in a toxic relationship, read 7 INDICATIONS THAT YOU ARE IN A TOXIC RELATIONSHIP

Let’s get your feed backs on the comment section

Unmasking Depression By George Onyedikachukwu Nnadozie
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