It’s one month since I got married. I’ve got some things to share but I will leave it till the time is right and matured. Marriage is beautiful. You may say it is too early to come to that summation. I don’t think so. I have always cherished marriage before getting married. I have always seen marriage as beautiful regardless of the experiences people have had in the past.
Of course, you know, any time I write about marriage, I am not trying to rub my marriage at your face or claim that I am now an authority on issues of marriage. I have been writing about marriage for several years now and you should count this as part of my usual opinions on marriage except that I am now writing from the position of one who has been immersed not only in the knowledge but also in the experience.
I turned thirty earlier this year. This means that if I am live up to a hundred years with my wife, we’ll live about 70 years or more together! Howbeit, being young, energetic and adventurous requires an extra responsibility on our part so that we can be able to shape our home, lives and future into what we want it to be.
I still recognize beautiful ladies, I still get attracted to “fineness”. My wife also has things that she still sees as attractive. We may be watching a movie and she’d be like “this guy is fine o”. We understand this about ourselves and tease each other with it. A beautiful lady would walk past us and my wife will whisper “see your spec.” We’d laugh over it! However, my feelings are not an excuse to live carelessly and irresponsibly. We are open, we have been open even before marriage and my wife loves the fact that I do not hide important issues.
Several months before our marriage, I was having formal conversations with a young lady. At some point, these conversations started to become emotional. It was creating a certain kind of bond (at least in my head) that would be unhealthy for my relationship with Princess. At that time, I usually didn’t have airtime, so this lady was the one always calling me.
FILLING THE VACUUM
As a responsible adult, I knew the way out wasn’t merely to cut my communications entirely with this young lady but to be open to Princess about what was happening. I called Princess and let her know what was happening.
By having that honest conversation, accountability mandated me to do what was right. Princess also didn’t judge me. We started communicating more so that we do not create a vacuum. I didn’t open up to the young lady that I was feeling a bit emotionally attached. I simply drew boundaries knowing that I am accountable to someone.
Infidelity flourishes in secrecy. When we are not open about our communications, missteps and attempts, we are feeding the cub that will become a beast.
Do you pull out of a business deal because you are becoming attached? No! You don’t have to pull off but you can redefine the terms and draw boundaries. Sometimes, we can draw this boundary with the help of our partner, it is not something that we do alone. Secondly, vacuums can exist in the absence of good communication and there is no need to live in pretence about this.
FAITHFULNESS IS DELIBERATE
Marriage doesn’t stop you from finding others attractive or being attractive to others. It will not automatically make you see fine girls and not feel “Chai! This God dey create o” or make you see your spec-man and feel like “Oboy! This guy sharp!”
Faithfulness in marriage is deliberate. Marriage itself is a responsibility, a covenant that you are bound to whether it is convenient at a given time or not. Love, especially with regards to marriage, is not a feeling but a choice. It is something you chose to express in good times and bad. Being accountable to your spouse makes it very easy.
When you find yourself nursing thoughts that are not healthy for your marriage or relationship, the best thing is to let your partner know your struggles. Sharing it alone brings its power to oblivion! Sometimes, it is always great to rekindle the fire.
There are several ways to rekindle the fire in your relationship.
- Focus on the good sides of your partner.
- Note the things they are getting right and not the things that they are getting wrong.
- Be deliberate about admiring your partner.
- Have fun together.
- Appreciate the little things and the good times.
- Understand your spouse and manage their weakness.
- Keep the communication lines open!
I FLAUNT MY WIFE
Flaunting my wife also helps keep me in check. I can’t be married physically and single virtually. I can’t be married and acting like I am searching. You don’t have to search very far to know that I am married. I am simply married.
Someone thinks that I am still being “sharked” by the newness of the marriage but what they don’t understand is that I have been emotionally married with Princess longer than they know. If you are waiting for the “spark” to go off, you may need to wait for several decades. Do you know why? It is not a spark, we are acting on what we know and believe and not some spark.